Rob Brezsny's Astrology Newsletter
MARCH 2, 2011
FreeWillAstrology.com
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The revised and expanded version of my book PRONOIA IS THE
ANTIDOTE FOR PARANOIA is available at Amazon: bit.ly/Pronoia
and also at Powells: bit.ly/PronoiaPowells
Here's an excerpt:
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:
NEW HOLIDAYS, JUBILEES, & CELEBRATIONS
(To read the entirety of this feature, go here: bit.ly/NewHoliday)
I propose that we establish these new holidays as soon as possible.
UNHAPPY HOUR. During this gala bitch fest, celebrants have license
to howl and mutter about everything that hurts their feelings.
Having flushed all their venom in one neat ritual spew, they'll
be free to enjoy generous thoughts and expansive fantasies the
rest of the time.
DARE TO BE BORING DAY. We all deserve a break from the oppressive
demands to appear smart and to be entertaining. On Dare to Be
Boring Day, it will be socially unacceptable to demonstrate your
wit and verve. Long-winded, rambling monologues full of obscure
details will be mandatory. The more cliches and buzzwords you
use, the better. Tell wornout stories your friends have already
heard many times. Flesh out your disjointed sentences with awkward
silences. Discuss at length your plans for switching laundry detergents,
the collection of matchbooks you had as a child, and the time
you almost traveled to the Wal-Mart in another town, but didn't.
BACCHANALIA. During this week-long extravaganza, work and business
will be suspended so that all adults can enjoy se'xual play, whether
it be solo, dyadic, or in groups. To promote acceptance of the
holiday, the Fool Czar will head up a new Federal Bureau of L'ust.
Served by advisors drawn not from the ranks of p'orn stars and
scientific sex researchers but from tantrically trained poets
and musicians, the Bureau will sponsor educational campaigns to
help every citizen learn to honor the libido as a sacred gift
from the Goddess.
DO WHAT YOU FEAR FESTIVAL. First, you make a list of the 100
things you're most afraid of. Next, you rate them from one to
100 in order of how badly they scare you. Then you agree to stop
obsessing about the bottom 97 fears because they distract you
from the three really interesting ones. Finally, you conquer those
three by doing them.
BE YOUR OWN WIFE WEEK. Whether you're male or female or transgendered,
straight or gay or both, you can observe Be Your Own Wife Week.
Here's how. Renounce all your yearnings to be waited on and cleaned
up after. Divest yourself of every last deluded wish that someday
a special person will come along to magically understand and attend
to your every need. Pledge that from now on you will be a connoisseur
of taking care of yourself. (This celebration might immediately
follow the "Marry Yourself" holiday.)
KOYAANISQATSI. In the language of the Hopi Indians, koyaanisqatsi
means "crazy life," "life in turmoil," or
"life out of balance." It's usually invoked to describe
a culture that's in disarray because of corruption and lack of
vision. I'd like to extend its meaning to identify the chaotic
states that each of us periodically goes through in our personal
life. It's a time when we lose our moorings, when we're out of
touch with our moral center. On the one hand, it's uncomfortable
and disorienting. On the other hand, the brain-scrambling it stirs
up is often a blessing. It flushes out mental habits that no longer
serve us. It provokes creative innovations by rearranging the
contents of our psyche. Happy Koyaanisqatsi!
TO READ THE ENTIRETY OF THIS FEATURE, go here: bit.ly/NewHoliday
Send me your ideas for even more new holidays at Truthrooster@gmail.com
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MORE PRONOIA RESOURCES:
THERE'S MORE INTELLIGENCE IN THE WORLD THAN ANY OF US IMAGINES
The Emotional World of Farmer Animals
tinyurl.com/4rb3w7g
LET'S EXPLORE THE SPACE BETWEEN THE CARTOONY EXTREMES
"Possibilianism is a philosophy which rejects both the idiosyncratic
claims of traditional theism and the positions of certainty in
atheism in favor of a middle, exploratory ground."
tinyurl.com/4eqxo5r
tinyurl.com/4qy58uq
BREAKING THE TABOO AGAINST OPTIMISM
Reasons to be cheerful: Leaders in the business of books reveal
what they are optimistic about
tinyurl.com/34laxl4
THE EVIDENCE KEEPS ACCUMULATING
pronoiaresources.com
(Note: I endorse these because I like them. They are not advertisements,
and I get no kickbacks.)
Please tell me your own personal nominations for PRONOIA RESOURCES.
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FREE WILL ASTROLOGY
Week beginning March 3
Copyright 2011 by Rob Brezsny
FreeWillAstrology.com
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20):
If I were you, Pisces, I'd make interesting fun your
meme of the week. According to my reading of the astrological
omens, you will be fully justified in making that your modus operandi
and your raison d'etre. For best results, you should put a priority
on pursuing experiences that both amuse you and captivate your
imagination. As you consider whether to accept any invitation
or seize any opportunity, make sure it will teach you something
you don't already know and also transport you into a positive
emotional state that gets your endorphins flowing.
ARIES (March 21-April 19):
"The most fundamental form of human stupidity is forgetting
what we were trying to do in the first place," said Friedrich
Nietzsche. So for instance, if you're the United States government
and you invade and occupy Afghanistan in order to wipe out al-Qaeda,
it's not too bright to continue fighting and dying and spending
obscene amounts of money long after the al-Qaeda presence there
has been eliminated. (There are now fewer than 100 al-Qaeda fighters
in that country: tinyurl.com/forgetwhy.)
What's the equivalent in your personal life, Aries? What noble
aspiration propelled you down a winding path that led to entanglements
having nothing to do with your original aspiration? It's time
to correct the mistake.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20):
The Carnival season gets into full swing this weekend and lasts
through Mardi Gras next Tuesday night. Wherever you are, Taurus,
I suggest you use this as an excuse to achieve new levels of mastery
in the art of partying. Of all the signs of the zodiac, you're
the one that is most in need of and most deserving of getting
immersed in rowdy festivities that lead to maximum release and
relief. To get you in the right mood, read these thoughts from
literary critic Mikhail Bakhtin. He said a celebration like this
is a "temporary liberation from the prevailing truth and
from the established order," and encourages "the suspension
of all hierarchical rank, privileges, norms, and prohibitions."
GEMINI (May 21-June 20):
When Bob Dylan first heard the Beatles' Sgt. Pepper's Lonely
Hearts Club Band, he only made it through the first few tunes.
"Turn that s--- off!" he said. "It's too good!"
He was afraid his own creative process might get intimidated,
maybe even blocked, if he allowed himself to listen to the entire
masterpiece. I suspect the exact opposite will be true for you
in the coming weeks, Gemini. As you expose yourself to excellence
in your chosen field, you'll feel a growing motivation to express
excellence yourself. The inspiration that will be unleashed in
you by your competitors will trump any of the potentially deflating
effects of your professional jealousy.
CANCER (June 21-July 22):
Jungian storyteller Clarissa Pinkola Estes says one of her main
influences is the Curanderisma healing tradition from Mexico and
Central America. "In this tradition a story is 'holy,' and
it is used as medicine," she told Radiance magazine.
"The story is not told to lift you up, to make you feel better,
or to entertain you, although all those things can be true. The
story is meant to take the spirit into a descent to find something
that is lost or missing and to bring it back to consciousness
again." You need stories like this, Cancerian, and you need
them now. It's high time to recover parts of your soul that you
have neglected or misplaced or been separated from.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22):
You've been pretty smart lately, but I think you could get even
smarter. You have spied secrets in the dark, and teased out answers
from unlikely sources, and untangled knots that no one else has
had the patience to mess with -- and yet I suspect there are even
greater glories possible for you. For inspiration, Leo, memorize
this haiku-like poem by Geraldine C. Little: "The white spider
/ whiter still / in the lightning's flash."
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LIFE IS BIGGER AND BETTER THAN ANY OF US CAN IMAGINE
In addition to the horoscopes you're reading here, I create more
in-depth audio horoscopes for your inspiration. Find out more
at RealAstrology.com.
The audio horoscopes are also available by phone at 1-877-873-4888
or 1-900-950-7700.
"Your Expanded Audio Horoscopes provide me with the Rest
of the Story. I'm not necessarily a believer in the scientific
accuracy of astrology, but I do think you've got a lot of practical
wisdom to impart."
- M. Tennenbaum, New York
"No one knows more about me than me. But you're right up
there near the top of the list of people who do understand something
about how I tick. How is that possible?"
- R. Goren, Albuquerque
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VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22):
I wouldn't try to stop you, Virgo, if you wanted to go around
singing the Stone Roses' song "I Wanna Be Adored." I
wouldn't be embarrassed for you if you turned your head up to
the night sky and serenaded the stars with a chant of "I
wanna be adored, I deserve to be adored, I demand to be adored."
And I might even be willing to predict that your wish will be
fulfilled -- on one condition, which is that you also express
your artful adoration for some worthy creature.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22):
"The difference between the right word and the almost right
word," said Mark Twain, "is the difference between lightning
and the lightning bug." Because the difference between the
right word and the almost right word will be so crucial for you
in the coming days, Libra, I urge you to maintain extra vigilance
towards the sounds that come out of your mouth. But don't be tense
and repressed about it. Loose, graceful vigilance will actually
work better. By the way, the distinction between right and almost
right will be equally important in other areas of your life as
well. Be adroitly discerning.
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21):
"Dear Rob: In your horoscopes you often write about how
we Scorpios will encounter interesting opportunities, invitations
to be powerful, and creative breakthroughs. But you rarely discuss
the deceptions, selfish deeds, and ugliness of the human heart
that might be coming our way -- especially in regards to what
we are capable of ourselves. Why do you do this? My main concern
is not in dealing with what's going right, but rather on persevering
through difficulty. - Scorpio in the Shadows." Dear Scorpio:
You have more than enough influences in your life that encourage
you to be fascinated with darkness. I may be the only one that's
committed to helping you cultivate the more undeveloped side of
your soul: the part that thrives on beauty and goodness and joy.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21):
Acupuncturists identify an energetic point in the ear called
the spirit gate. If it's stuck closed, the spirit is locked in;
if it's stuck open, the spirit is always coming and going, restless
and unsettled. What's ideal, of course, is that the spirit gate
is not stuck in any position. Then the spirit can come and go
as it needs to, and also have the option of retreating and protecting
itself. I'd like you to imagine that right now a skilled acupuncturist
is inserting a needle in the top of your left ear, where it will
remain for about 20 minutes. In the meantime, visualize your spirit
gate being in that state of harmonious health I described.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19):
In his parody music video, "Sickest Buddhist," comedian
Arj Barker invokes a hip hop sensibility as he brags about his
spiritual prowess. Noting how skilled he is when it comes to mastering
his teacher's instructions, he says, "The instructor just
told us to do a 45-minute meditation / but I nailed it in 10."
I expect you will have a similar facility in the coming week,
Capricorn: Tasks that might be challenging for others may seem
like child's play to you. I bet you'll be able to sort quickly
through complications that might normally take days to untangle.
(See the NSFW video here: tinyurl.com/illBuddhist.)
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18):
The sixth astronaut to walk on the moon was engineer Edgar Mitchell.
He asserts that extraterrestrials have visited Earth and that
governments are covering up that fact. The second astronaut to
do a moonwalk was engineer Buzz Aldrin. He says that there is
unquestionably an artificial structure built on Phobos, a moon
of Mars. Some scientists dispute the claims of these experts,
insisting that aliens are myths. Who should we believe? Personally,
I lean towards Mitchell and Aldrin. Having been raised by an engineer
father, I know how unlikely it is for people with that mindset
to make extraordinary claims. If you have to choose between competing
authorities any time soon, Aquarius, I recommend that like me,
you opt for the smart mavericks instead of the smart purveyors
of conventional wisdom.
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HOMEWORK:
What is the best gift you could give your best friend right
now? Testify at FreeWillAstrology.com.
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WANT TO GET YOUR CHART DONE?
I'm not doing personal charts, but I highly recommend my astrological
colleague, RO LOUGHRAN. Her approach closely matches my own. In
our many discussions about astrology over the years, we've had
a major influence on each other's work.
Ro utilizes a blend of well-trained
intuition, emotional warmth, and
a high
degree of technical proficiency
in horoscope interpretation; she
is skilled
at exploring the mysteries of your
life's purpose and nurturing your
connection with your own inner
wisdom.
Ro is based in California, but
can do phone consultations and
otherwise
work with you regardless of geographic
boundaries.
Ro's website is at YourSoulJourney.com
She can also be reached at roloughran@comcast.net
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Contents of the Free Will Astrology Newsletter are Copyright
2011 Rob Brezsny
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