Rob Brezsny's Astrology Newsletter http://ezezine.com
the Rob Brezsny's Astrology Newsletter
March 31, 2010
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New song: "Are You Awake Yet?"
http://bit.ly/AreYouAwake
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See this newsletter as a pretty RSS feed:
http://bit.ly/8Zqojt
Sign up for the RSS feed:
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Dear immortal four-dimensional messiahs in continuous telepathic touch
with all of creation:
There's a new release from the soundtrack for my book
*PRONOIA IS THE ANTIDOTE FOR PARANOIA.*
It's called "Are You Awake Yet?" You can access it here:
http://bit.ly/AreYouAwake
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If you'd like to download the three previous releases from the soundtrack
for *PRONOIA,* go here:
You Taste Delicious:
http://bit.ly/YouTasteDelicious
Prayer for Us:
http://bit.ly/PrayerSong
Glory in the Highest
http://bit.ly/SongGlory
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The revised and expanded version of my book *PRONOIA IS THE
ANTIDOTE FOR PARANOIA* is available at Amazon: http://bit.ly/Pronoia
Here are the lyrics for "Are You Awake Yet?"
ARE YOU AWAKE YET
You're the chosen one
Just like everyone else
You're stronger than history
You're too smart to wander through hell
You're the Ocean King
Nobody can burn your house down
You're the Thunder Queen
to whom the spirits bow down
But are you awake yet
Are you awake yet
But are you awake yet
Are you awake yet
Talk to the clouds
Walk on the walls
See the secret plan behind it all
and wake up
wake up
wake up
wake up
See through the mirror
Fall in love with the sun
Bring out the best in everyone
and wake up
wake up
wake up
wake up
You overthrow tyrants
You fight for the right to be wild
You recycle your shadows
You're longing to save the whole world
But are you awake yet
Are you awake yet
But are you awake yet
Are you awake yet
and wake up
wake up
wake up
wake up
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"Beware of the person with no invisible means of support."
- the homeless woman camped out in front of Safeway
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MORE APRIL FOOL-STYLE PRONOIA RESOURCES:
IF NOTHING ELSE, MAYBE PRONOIA COULD GET ON YOUR NERVES
New pain-inducing Advil for people who just want to feel something,
anything
http://tinyurl.com/63nzbu
HOW TO AVOID PRONOIA AT ALL COSTS
Cynic's Guide to a Rich, Full Life
http://tinyurl.com/y8dqze2
ARE YOU IMAGINATIVE ENOUGH TO EXPAND YOUR CAPACITY TO LOVE?
Sex with elves
http://tinyurl.com/ya9lkff
ARE YOU PRONOIAC ENOUGH TO EMBRACE IMPERFECTION?
"Wabi-sabi nurtures all that is authentic by acknowledging three simple
realities: nothing lasts, nothing is finished, and nothing is perfect."
http://tinyurl.com/yevx6u9
This week's pronoiac resources are brought to you by PNN by the
adjective "pronoying," which is used to describe a convert to pronoia who
hectors and pontificates while promoting the doctrine of pronoia with
annoying piety.
(Note: I endorse these because I like them. They are not advertisements,
and I get no kickbacks.)
Please tell me your own personal nominations for PRONOIA RESOURCES.
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FREE WILL ASTROLOGY
Week beginning April 1
Copyright 2010 by Rob Brezsny
http://FreeWillAstrology.com
Grammar key: Asterisks equal *italics*
ARIES (March 21-April 19): I'm worried about your ability to sneak and
fake and dissemble. These skills seem to have atrophied in you. To quote
Homer Simpson, "You couldn't fool your own mother on the foolingest
day of your life with an electrified fooling machine!" Please, Aries, jump
back into the game-playing, BS-dispensing routine the rest of us are
caught up in. APRIL FOOL! Everything I just said was a filthy lie. In fact, I
admire the candor and straightforwardness you've been cultivating. My
only critique is that maybe you could take some of the edge off it. Try
telling the raw truth with more relaxed grace.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): You'll probably dream of falling off a cliff, or
plunging out of a hot-air balloon, or skydiving without a parachute. I'm
very disappointed in your unconscious mind's decision to expose yourself
to such unpleasant experiences, even if they are pretend. APRIL FOOL! I
told you a half-truth. While it is likely that you will dream of diving off a
mountaintop or tumbling out of a hot-air balloon or flying through the big
sky without a parachute, your unconscious mind has arranged it so that
you will land softly and safely in a giant pile of foam padding and feathers
next to a waterfall whose roaring flow is singing your name. Despite the
apparent inconvenience in the first part of the dream, you will be taken
care of by the end.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): On the *Ghost Hunters* TV program,
paranormal researchers investigate places that are thought to be haunted
by supernatural entities. One commercial for the show urges us, the
viewers, to "Get fluent in fear!" That exhortation happens to be perfect
advice for you, Gemini. APRIL FOOL! I lied. This is not at all a good time
for you to get fluent in fear. But more than that. It's actually a
momentous time to get un-fluent in fear. You have an unprecedented
opportunity to stop casually exposing yourself to anxiety-inducing
influences. You have amazing power to shut down that place in your
imagination where you generate your scary fantasies. The conquest of
your fears could be at hand!
CANCER (June 21-July 22): Your gambling chakra is conspiring with your
inner roughneck to pull a fast one on your dignity chakra and your inner
wuss. If they get away with their scheme you may find yourself having
ridiculous yet holy fun in high places. And I wouldn't be surprised if in the
course of these hijinks, your spirit guides channeled some holistic karma
into the part of your psychic anatomy that we in the consciousness
business call your "spiritual orgy button." APRIL FOOL! Sorry if that
sounded a bit esoteric. I was invoking some faux shamanic jargon in the
hope of bypassing your rational mind and tricking you into experiencing a
fizzy, buoyant altered state, which would be an excellent tonic for both
your mental and physical health.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): "I eat pressure for breakfast," says Leo-born
James Cameron, director of *Avatar* and *Titanic,* the two highest
grossing films ever made. Like many in your tribe, he has a very high
opinion of himself. "Anybody can be a father or a husband," he told his
fourth wife Linda Hamilton. "There are only five people in the world who
can do what I do, and I'm going for that." He's your role model. APRIL
FOOL! I lied. While I do urge you to focus intensely on the quality or talent
that's most special about you, I strongly discourage you from neglecting
your more ordinary roles. In Cameron's case, I'd advise him to start
working on his next fantastic project but also spiff up his skills as a
husband and father.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Do NOT, under any circumstances, express
your anger at the mainstream media by taking a baseball bat into a
superstore full of electronic gear and smashing 32 TV sets. Keep it to a
minimum of 15 sets, please! APRIL FOOL! I lied. I definitely don't
recommend that you smash any TVs with a baseball bat. However, you do
have permission to bash and smash things in your imagination. In fact I
encourage it. Engaging in a fantasy of breaking inanimate objects that
symbolize what oppresses you will shatter a certain mental block that
desperately needs shattering.
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LISTEN TO AN EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE
In addition to the horoscopes you're reading here, I create more in-depth
audio horoscopes for your inspiration. Find out more at
http://RealAstrology.com.
The audio horoscopes are also available by phone at 1-877-873-4888 or
1-900-950-7700.
"I don't much believe in astrology. But that doesn't seem to get in the
way of me deriving a whole lot of benefits from your expanded audio
horoscopes."
- A. Arrosto, Indianapolis
"You have an amazing aptitude for cutting through the lies I tell myself.
Thanks for the gentle shocks."
- T. Preneris, Toronto
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LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): As I studied your astrological data, a curious
vision popped into my mind's eye. I saw a scene of a perky possum in a
superhero costume giving you a tray of red jello covered with
marshmallows, gumdrops, and chocolate kisses. And I knew immediately
that it was a prime metaphor for your destiny right now. APRIL FOOL! I
lied, sort of. Your imminent future may feature an unlikely offering from
an unexpected source, but that offering will simply be like red jello from a
possum -- with no superhero costume, and no marshmallows, gumdrops,
or chocolate kisses.
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): I sincerely hope that 2010 will be the year
you stop worshiping Satan for good. Luckily, the coming weeks will be an
excellent time to get that worthy project in gear. Despite the odd
pleasures your twisted devotion to the Evil One seems to bring you, it
actually undermines your ability to get what you want. The ironic fact of
the matter is that pure unrepentant selfishness -- the kind that Satan
celebrates -- is the worst possible way to achieve your selfish goals. APRIL
FOOL! I know you don't really worship Satan. I was just hoping to jolt you
into considering my real desire for you, which is to achieve your selfish
goals by cultivating more unselfishness.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): According to Uncyclopedia.com, *Riding
the Snake* is a book co-authored by Oscar Wilde and Jesus Christ in 1429
B.C. If you can find a copy, I strongly suggest you read it. You could really
use some help in taming the unruly kundalini that has been whipping you
around. APRIL FOOL! I lied. There is no such ancient book. But that
doesn't change the fact that you'd really benefit from getting more
control over your instinctual energy. I'd love to see your libidinous power
be more thoroughly harnessed in behalf of your creative expression.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Supermodel Selita Ebanks is your role
model. In accordance with the astrological omens, I recommend that you
arrange for the kind of special treatment she enjoys as she's preparing for
a runway show. That means getting five stylists to work for hours every
day perfecting every aspect of your physical appearance. Please make
sure they apply no less than 20 layers of makeup to your butt. APRIL
FOOL! I lied. The omens say this is not a good time to obsess on your
outer beauty. They do suggest, however, that attending to your inner
beauty would be smart. So please do the equivalent of getting 20 layers
of makeup applied to your soul's butt.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Would it be a wise idea for you to stage
your own kidnapping and demand ransom money for your release? Should
you appear on a reality TV show that will expose your intimate secrets to
millions of viewers? Could you get your spiritual evolution back on track
by joining a religious cult? APRIL FOOL! The questions I just posed were
terrible! They were irrelevant to the destiny you should be shaping for
yourself. But they were provocative, and may therefore be the nudge you
need to get smarter about formulating your choices. It has never been
more important than it is right now for you to ask yourself good
questions.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): It's an excellent time to demonstrate how
strong and brave and indomitable you are. I suggest you carry out some
heroic feat, like lying on a bed of nails while someone puts heavy concrete
blocks all over your body, then uses a sledgehammer to smash those
blocks. APRIL FOOL! What I just said is only half true. While it's an
excellent time to prove your mettle, there are far more constructive ways
to do it than lying on a bed of nails. For example, you could try shaking
off a bad influence that chronically saps your energy.
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HOMEWORK: Get in the mood to see your life as a miracle by listening to
this: http://bit.ly/SongGlory -- then tell me other ways that your life is a
miracle. I'm at Truthrooster@gmail.com
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WANT TO GET YOUR CHART DONE?
I'm not doing personal charts, but I highly recommend my astrological
colleague, RO LOUGHRAN. Her approach closely matches my own. In our
many discussions about astrology over the years, we've had a major
influence on each other's work.
Ro utilizes a blend of well-trained intuition, emotional warmth, and a high
degree of technical proficiency in horoscope interpretation; she is skilled
at exploring the mysteries of your life's purpose and nurturing your
connection with your own inner wisdom.
Ro is based in California, but can do phone consultations and otherwise
work with you regardless of geographic boundaries.
Ro's website is at
http://YourSoulJourney.com
She can also be reached at roloughran@comcast.net
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to anyone.
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Contents of the Free Will Astrology Newsletter are Copyright
2010 Rob Brezsny
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