Rob Brezsny's Astrology Newsletter http://ezezine.com
We here at Rob Brezsny's Free Will Astrology Newsletter
are pleased to suggest
a guerrilla ritual:
Sometime around the solstice,
Sunday, December 21
or Monday, December 22,
let's all devote five minutes
to visualizing the fulfillment
of our most holy desire.
Then let's give five minutes
to visualizing paradise on earth
for all sentient beings.
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December 17, 2003
www.freewillastrology.com
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EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES FOR THE COMING YEAR
What hidden factors will be massaging your destiny in 2004? Could you
use some hints about how to prepare for the adventures awaiting you in
the next 12 months? Are there any lingering secrets about 2003 you'd
like to pry loose before leaping into the new year?
This week and the next two weeks, I'll be exploring the BIG PICTURE of
your life in my Expanded Audio Horoscopes. If, like most of us, you slip
into a philosophical, visionary mood at the end of each year, you might
appreciate my tender loving perspectives on your long-term destiny.
My IN-DEPTH, LONG-TERM FORECASTS FOR YOUR LIFE IN 2004 cost $6
a pop if you access them on the Web via RealAudio, or $1.99 per minute if
you want them over the phone.
For web access, go here:
http://www.relationshipnetwork.com/horo/index.asp?client_id=50700
From the United States, call
1-900-950-7700.
If you have a 900# block on your phone or prefer to use your credit card,
there's another way to access the Expanded Audio Horoscopes by phone.
Using your credit card, call 1-877-873-4888 to buy the amount of
time that best suits you.
If you live in Canada, call 1-888-499-4425 to purchase a Block of
Time.
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FREE WILL ASTROLOGY
Week of December 18
Copyright 2003 by Rob Brezsny
www.freewillastrology.com
Grammar key: Asterisks equal *italics*
ARIES (March 21-April 19): Happy Holy Daze, Aries! I've been
meditating on the perfect holiday gift for you. What symbolic item might
inspire you to take maximum advantage of the cosmic currents in 2004?
I decided on the book *Marathon Training For Dummies,* by Tere
Stouffer Drenth. It's not because I think you should literally gear up to
run a 26-mile race during the coming year. Rather, I'd like to get you in
a frame of mind in which you're always prepping yourself for lengthy
projects that will require stamina, resourcefulness, and strategic
thinking.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): The love song is an endangered species. Lots
of modern musicians do sex songs and pain songs and rage songs, but few
are inclined to craft tunes in which they declare their passionate affection
and describe it in all its nuanced uniqueness. As a result, Taurus, you will
most likely be out of sync with the tenor of the times in 2004. Your heart
will be stirred as it hasn't been in many moons. Even if you're not a
professional vocalist, you may often feel longings to express your lush
emotions in song. If I were going to get you a holiday gift, it would be a
compilation CD filled with the greatest love songs of the last sixty years.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Happy Holy Daze, Gemini! I predict that
you'll dive deeper in 2004. You will cheerily plunge in over your head as
you pursue the noble goal of getting to the bottom of things. Exploring
murky waters shouldn't faze you because you'll have a sixth sense that's
equivalent to being able to see in the dark. In looking around for a holiday
gift you could give yourself to encourage these extraordinary
predilections, I came across a yellow submarine for sale on the Internet.
Amazingly, it's named the "Gemini." For more info, see
www.subeo.com/inside.htm.
CANCER (June 21-July 22): You think you know what chocolate is all
about? You don't. The tastes you find in M&M's and Hershey's Kisses
comprise a tiny percentage of chocolate's total flavor spectrum. A few
vanguard connoisseurs are beginning to awaken to the glorious diversity.
New York now boasts several gourmet boutiques that offer the kind of
variety characteristic of wine and coffee specialty stores. If I could get
you a holiday gift, Cancerian, it would be a sampling of these exotic
chocolates. Maybe if you realized what you've been missing in this one
area, you'd also get more aggressive about pursuing a wider array of
other fine pleasures in 2004. And that would be in alignment with the
astrological omens.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Happy Holy Daze, Leo! I've been meditating on
the perfect holiday gift for you. What would best get you ready for 2004?
What symbolic offering might motivate you to take maximum advantage of
the astrological opportunities ahead? And the answer is: dirt; to be exact,
one cup of good, rich soil from each of the seven places in the world where
you feel most at home. With these containers of sacred ground displayed on
your altar, you might be inspired to come way down to earth: to be more
practical, detail-oriented, skilled at compromise, and hard-working than
you've ever been.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Happy Holy Daze, Virgo! I've been meditating
on the perfect holiday gift for you. What symbolic offering might inspire
you to be in closest alignment with the cosmic currents in 2004? I
decided on a framed photo of a Great White Shark, which is the only sea
creature that has no natural enemies. I expect that you will likewise have
few adversaries and obstacles in the coming months. The Great White is
also at the top of the food chain, and while you may not ascend all the way
to the pinnacle of your local hierarchy, you should definitely climb
higher.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Happy Holy Daze, Libra! I've been meditating
on the perfect holiday gift for you. What symbolic item might help you
take maximum advantage of the cosmic currents in 2004? Here's what I
came up with: the film, "Destino," a collaboration between surrealist
painter Salvador Dali and Walt Disney's team of animators. Though the
joint artistic effort began soon after Disney and Dali met in 1945, it
wasn't completed until recently. In that sense alone it should be inspiring,
because you, too, will be striving to revive an old dream in the coming
months. Your near future will resemble a Disney-Dali creation in
another way: There'll be a convergence of what's weird and what's
popular, what's extraordinary and normal, what's adventurous and cute.
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): The coming year will be a favorable time to
double your commitment to rowdy fun. I encourage you to attend more
parties than usual and always be on the lookout for how you can energize
social occasions with acts of joyous abandon. You'll also be wise to infuse
even your intimate encounters with boisterous amusements. Therefore,
Scorpio, please consider doing more handstands on barstools in 2004. Try
dancing on tabletops with only some of your clothes on, slurping right out
of punch bowls, starting food fights, and knocking over lamps while
spontaneously making love. If I were going to get you a symbolic holiday
gift this year, it might be a chandelier, conveying to you my hope that you
will bring back the lost art of swinging on chandeliers.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Happy Holy Daze, Sagittarius! I've been
meditating on the perfect holiday gift for you. What would best get you
ready for 2004? What might help you take maximum advantage of the
astrological opportunities ahead? And the answer is: a $20-million, 30-
second ad about you and your services, to be broadcast on TV during the
Super Bowl next February. You need a splashy marketing gambit like that
to get the word out. It is high time for you to shine in the spotlight at
center stage.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Happy Holy Daze, Capricorn! I've been
meditating on the perfect holiday gifts for you. What symbolic items
might inspire you to take maximum advantage of the cosmic currents in
2004? I've decided on three things: 1. binoculars, which I hope will
encourage you to constantly seek closer looks at distant sights; 2.
mountain-climbing equipment, which I hope will encourage you to spend
more time outside, get naturally high, and look at the world from lofty
perspectives; 3. lightweight, quick-drying, anti-bacterial underwear
designed to be washed every night as you travel. I hope they'll encourage
you to leave behind heavy baggage and complicated expectations as you
make frequent forays out of your comfort zone.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Your holiday celebrations wouldn't be
much fun if there were no such thing as fungi. One member of the fungus
family, yeast, is essential to brewing alcoholic beverages, baking
pastries, and turning cocoa beans into chocolate. Another type of fungus is
crucial to the growth of most Christmas trees. They grow well only
because of the symbiotic relationship between their roots and certain
mushrooms. Wrapping paper would of course also be scarce without the
mushrooms' assistance. Now that you've heard these facts, Aquarius, I
hope you'll decide to make the fungus your good luck charm in 2004. It
will remind you to hold in high esteem the hidden forces and unsung
people that will be constantly working behind the scenes in your behalf.
This will be the Year of Secret Helpers. (Thanks to Tom Volk's "Fungus of
the Month" website at
http://botit.botany.wisc.edu/toms_fungi/fotm.html.)
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Happy Holy Daze, Pisces! I've been
meditating on the perfect holiday gift for you. What would best get you
ready for 2004? What might motivate you to take maximum advantage of
the astrological opportunities ahead? I've decided to give you a small,
circumscribed part of the Pacific Ocean. It's a cubic mile located between
longitude 110 and 111 degrees west and between latitude 10 and 11
degrees south. I'm hoping that this manageable, well-defined section of the
primal sea will inspire you to create better boundaries as you deal with
your own oceanic emotions; to be more judiciously dramatic and less
overflowingly melodramatic.
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HOMEWORK: Forget what Time magazine thinks. Who is your "Person of
the Year?" Testify by going to www.freewillastrology.com and clicking on
"Email Rob."
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Contents of the Free Will Astrology Newsletter are Copyright
2003 Rob Brezsny
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