Rob Brezsny's Astrology Newsletter http://ezezine.com
Rob Brezsny's Free Will Astrology Newsletter
"You are a champion of champions, genetically speaking, because you are
the product of an inconceivably complex web of ancestors, spiraling back
for billions of years into the primordial ooze, not a single individual of
which ever failed to grow to maturity and beget viable offspring while
most other creatures around them, including many of their brothers,
sisters, and cousins, faded away and the majority eventually disappeared
forever into extinction. If your ancestors hadn't been such top performers
that they were 100 percent successful in procreation, your ancestral lines
of descent would be broken and you could not exist."
--Guy Murchie, *The Seven Mysteries of Life*
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June 7, 2006
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http://www.freewillastrology.com
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ROB'S UPCOMING PERFORMANCES
Harmony Festival
in Santa Rosa, CA
June 9, 10, 11
http://www.harmonyfestival.com
Rob appears at the following times and places at the Harmony Festival:
Saturday, June 10, 3:00-3:45 -- Earthdance Stage
Saturday, June 10, 8:15-8:30 -- Main Stage
Sunday, June 11, 1:45-1:55 -- Main Stage
Sunday, June 11, 3:00-3:45 -- Earthdance Stage
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Here's an excerpt from my book
"PRONOIA IS THE ANTIDOTE FOR PARANOIA:
How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings"
available at http://snipurl.com/krjj
or find out more at http://www.freewillastrology.com
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EXCLUSIVE! The Beauty and Truth Laboratory reports the news before it
happens! In this special PNN report, our psychic journalists bring you the
stories that haven't happened yet--but will!
Homechurching
As public schools continue to decline and private schools become more
expensive, increasing numbers of parents will homeschool their children.
As the pronoia meme spreads, an analogous phenomenon will arise among
religious groups. Called the "homechurch" movement by Christians, the
"homesynagogue" movement by Jews, and the "hometemple" movement
by other religious groups, it will consist of people creating altars and
conducting worship sessions in their own abodes. Seekers pursuing this
approach to spiritual communion will serve as their own priests,
priestesses, and rabbis.
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The Joy Of Childbirth
The national murder rate will plummet when "The Hedonistic Midwife
Channel," a new cable TV network, begins to broadcast live childbirths 24
hours a day.
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Sentient Vegetables
Researchers will uncover stunning evidence that vegetables have an
intensity of consciousness and feeling much closer to animals than has
previously been suspected. Many vegetarians will renounce their previous
diets and swear to eat only milk and honey.
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Book Futures
One of the best-selling self-help books of the decade will be
*The Zen of Juicy Sacred Temper Tantrums.*
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Men's Time of the Month
Biologists in Sweden will furnish conclusive evidence that men have
"periods" analogous to a woman's menstrual cycle. They seem to
correspond to changes in the relationship between Earth and the planet
Mars, the biologists will claim. At the peak of the male "marstral cycle,"
which can last up to 10 days a month, the adrenal glands release a
hormone which make men more likely to be irritable, more skilled at
disguising their irrational impulses with logical explanations, out of touch
with their feelings, and prone to violence and poor judgment. There's also
a vulnerable phase preceding the period, which the biologists will dub
PMS, or Pathological Macho Stress.
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Genetic Performance Art
A rowdy new class of genetic engineers will have little interest in creating
oil spill-eating bacteria, frost-resistant strawberries, or other useful
hybrids. Considering themselves to be a cross between computer hackers
and performance artists, they will create fun monstrosities that appeal to
their sense of play and perversity, like winged horses and trees that grow
leaves resembling $100 bills.
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Conviviality Revolution
A new breed of well-read, charismatic homeless people will arise. They'll
spread understanding and laughter through their communities, and will be
routinely feasted in the homes of grateful citizens.
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Recovered Memories
The recovered memories movement will take a
bizarre turn when many adults begin to recall under hypnosis long-
suppressed memories of joy and peace experienced when they were
children.
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Eros Upgrade
The average length of an act of heterosexual intercourse in America—
which is currently only four minutes—will jump to 22 minutes.
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Lawyer Glut
The government will pay subsidies to some lawyers so they won't practice
law—much as it now pays supermarket chains to keep cheese off the
market when there is too much and the excess would bring prices down.
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Sacred Advertisement
This special edition of PNN is brought to you by philosopher Norman O.
Brown's belief that "civilization has to be renewed by the discovery of
new mysteries, by the sovereign power of the imagination, by the
undemocratic power which makes poets the unacknowledged legislators
of mankind." (Source: Norman O. Brown, *Apocalypse and/or
Metamorphosis*)
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To read other news and features from my book, go here:
http://snipurl.com/l9o3
or
http://freewillastrology.com/beauty/beauty.main145.shtml
To buy the book, use the links to Amazon.com and Barnes and Noble,
which are on my homepage at http://www.freewillastrology.com
Or cut and paste the direct links below:
AMAZON
http://snipurl.com/krjj
BARNES & NOBLE
http://snipurl.com/krjn
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OTHER PRONOIA RESOURCES:
HANDBOOK
"Handbook for Bloggers and Cyber Dissidents"
you can download the pdf version of the handbook at this site
http://www.worldchanging.com/archives/003515.html
MUSIC
*Krishna Lila* by Cheb I Sabbah
MEETING
"Morning Meeting Refocuses, Re-Energizes Sales Team"
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28336
STORE
Flax, the best art supplies store in the world
http://www.flaxart.com/
1699 Market St.
San Francisco, CA
(Note: I endorse these because I like them. They're not advertisements,
and I get no kickbacks.)
Please tell me your own personal nominations for PRONOIA RESOURCES.
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FREE WILL ASTROLOGY
Week beginning June 8
Copyright 2006 by Rob Brezsny
http://www.freewillastrology.com
Grammar key: Asterisks equal *italics*
ARIES (March 21-April 19): Is the planet running out of oil? Some experts
say yes, others say no. Secretly, part of me hopes we are. If forced to use
less of the tragically magic fuel, we'd get at least some relief from the
ongoing catastrophe of global warming. But the whole discussion may
become irrelevant in light of the existence of oil shale. It's a rock that
when heated releases the abundant oil hidden within it. Though expensive
to access, two trillion barrels of the stuff lie untapped beneath the
surface of America's Rocky Mountains. "That's more than all the proven
oil reserves of crude oil in the world," reports *The Denver Post.* This is
an apt metaphor for your life, Aries. You may seem to be running out of a
resource that has energized you for a long time. The truth is, there's
more to be had, but you'll have to work harder to get it.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): A few people look at the world through rose-
colored glasses. Many, on the other hand, peer out through crap-colored
glasses. Both are unable to see the world as it really is, but instead allow
their perceptions to be filtered through a distorted lens. Your assignment,
Taurus, is to take off the colored glasses--whatever hue they may be--so
that you can gaze at your surroundings with fresh, lucid, fixation-free
eyes.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): It's Makeover Season, Gemini. This would be a
perfect astrological moment to get your whole body tattooed, start
wearing wigs of varying color and length, and have a cosmetic surgeon
reshape your face to resemble that of your favorite celebrity. JUST
KIDDING! I was exaggerating. The omens do suggest it's a good time to
experiment with your physical appearance and make adjustments in your
persona, but not as drastically as I first suggested.
CANCER (June 21-July 22): Listen to poet Robert Bly's description of you:
You came into this world as a radiant package of cosmic wonders, as an
unspeakably sublime bolt of primordial resonance, as a barely coalesced
jumble of blinding beauty--and yet all your parents wanted was a good
little girl or a good little boy. You should mourn for that discrepancy,
advises Bly. He encourages you also to mourn for the fact that you then
constructed a false personality in order to please your parents and thus
be able to survive emotionally. Now here's what I have to say about all
that: It's a perfect astrological time to express your grief for these
calamities, then heal yourself from their damage and start becoming the
marvel you were born to be.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Some psychologists believe it's pretty easy to get
people to think they remember specific events that didn't actually occur. I
don't have the expertise to determine whether or not that's true. But just
in case it is, let's see if we can take advantage of it. The astrological
omens are in our favor: They suggest that your memories are especially
malleable right now, and that your imagination is so robust that it could
overwhelm so-called objective reality with its inventions. Here's what I
propose: Visualize in detail, complete with a sensation of effusive
emotions, the fabricated memory of some unbelievably happy experience
that happened to you when you were four years old.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): *New Scientist* magazine reports that
athletes who suit up in red uniforms seem to be more successful than
those who don't. In the 2004 European soccer tournament, for instance,
red-garbed teams scored an average of one more goal per game than the
others. Since you're now in a phase when winning is even more important
than usual, why not try every little thing that might give you an edge,
including the wearing of red clothes or accessories? As long as your
motives are benevolent and your compassion is as strong as your will to
power, I have no problem encouraging you to lust for victory. What else
might get your competitive juices flowing and evoke passivity in your
opponents?
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AUDIO LOVE LETTERS
In addition to the horoscopes that come to you in this newsletter, I create
more in-depth audio horoscopes for your inspiration. I think of them as
my love letters to you. They're $6 if you access them on the Web, or
$1.99 per minute over the phone.
For Web access, go here:
http://www.relationshipnetwork.com/horo/index.asp?client_id=50700
From the United States, call
1-900-950-7700
or if you prefer to pay by credit card
1-877-873-4888
If you live in Canada, call 1-888-499-4425 to purchase a Block of Time
with your credit card.
"Your expanded astrology thingees help me remember who I really am." -
Gareth N., Toronto
"I never knew it was possible to get my butt kicked and my head patted
at the same time -- until I listened to you, Rob." -Kristi P., Portland, OR
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LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Thinking outside of the box to find creative
solutions to obstinate problems sometimes leads to brilliant
breakthroughs. Other times it results in laughable breakdowns. And in
some cases, it generates changes that are a blend of brilliant
breakthrough and laughable breakdown. You're now flirting with this third
variety. So is there anything you can do to nudge your innovations more
in the direction of breakthrough and away from breakdown? Yes. First,
make sure your experimental urges are driven by expansiveness and
generosity, not revenge, envy, or fear. Second, trust the feelings in your
body to give you important clues. Third, get your ego out of the way as
much as is humanly possible.
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): After playing in bands for years, I ripened
into a half-decent songwriter and singer. My last project World
Entertainment War was signed to a contract with MCA Records and
released a CD, but meager sales precipitated my exit from the music
business in 1995. Fast forward to this week. While scavenging around the
Web via Google, I made an unexpected discovery: On many music lyric
sites, one of the songs I wrote, "Marlboro Man Jr.," has for years been
mistakenly credited to Blink-182, a band that has sold over 10 million
records. I was shocked. How could it have taken me so long to find out?
This incident should serve as a metaphor for you, Scorpio. Find out
whether your work, ideas, or energy have been used by or attributed to
other people without your knowledge.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): To boost to your romantic fortunes, it's
sometimes helpful to take an inventory of what has worked and not
worked for you in the past. Now is a good time to do that. I suggest you
survey memories of your old successes and failures, and extract some
fresh insights that you can apply to the conundrums that love is currently
asking you to solve. Another strategy you might try is to take yourself
about ten times less seriously. Even intimacy's most demanding tests will
be far easier if you can laugh about them. To aid in this quest, try the
Dead Celebrity Soulmate Search at http://snipurl.com/nghr. (It told me
my best romantic matches would have been Lucrezia Borgia, Mata Hari,
and Agatha Christie.)
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): This would not be a good week to cast a
curse on God in revenge for what you think are his mistakes. Nor would it
be a favorable time to draw blasphemous cartoons of saints, or pretend
that atheism is any less of a faith-based belief system than religion. In
fact, if I were you, Capricorn, I would utter a few prayers, purify your
motives, and do some really good deeds--just in case there's even a slim
possibility that divine help is abundantly available to you right now. (P.S.
From what I can tell, there's more than a slim possibility.)
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): As far as the astrological powers-that-be
are concerned, you have permission to play hooky. Whether their
authorization will carry any weight with your boss and the people who
depend on you, I can't say. But the pure cosmic fact of the matter is that
you should devote as much time as possible in the coming days to
avoiding responsibility, following your whims, and indulging in sweet
pleasures that in no way serve the values of the cold, cruel workaday
world. It's time to wander out into a field of wildflowers and chase
butterflies. Or something similar.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): I dare you to call everyone "mom" or
"mommy" this week. I'm serious. Pretend as if every single person you
meet has the potential to give you some mothering. Expect the entire
universe and everything in it to treat you with nurturing attention and
thoughtful care. You may experience some disappointments along the
way, of course. There'll be some people who don't quite understand the
game or want to play it. But I bet you'll be surprised by how many lively
folks do respond to your invitation to treat you as their lovable child, their
winsome little babycakes.
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HOMEWORK:
Tell a story about the time Spirit reached down and altered your course in
one tricky swoop. Testify by going to http://www.freewillastrology.com
and clicking on "Email Rob."
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WANT TO GET YOUR CHART DONE?
I'm not doing charts these days. In addition to writing my weekly column
and expanded audio horoscopes, I'm also working on a CD and promoting
my new book.
But I can recommend a colleague whose astro-aesthetics closely match
my own. She's RO LOUGHRAN.
Ro utilizes a blend of well-trained intuition, emotional warmth, and a high
degree of technical proficiency in horoscope interpretation; she is skilled
at exploring the mysteries of your life's purpose and nurturing your
connection with your own inner wisdom.
Ro is based in California, but can do phone consultations and otherwise
work with you regardless of geographic boundaries.
Ro's website is at
http://www.yoursouljourney.com/
She can also be reached at roloughran@comcast.net
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NEED TO CHANGE YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS?
To subscribe or unsubscribe to this newsletter, or to change the address
where you receive it, go to:
http://www.freewillastrology.com/newsletter/
Once you do subscribe, be sure to add my address,
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If my emails don't reach your inbox, you should also look in your "Bulk
Mail" or "Junk Mail" folder.
I totally respect your privacy. I'll never sell or give away your address to
anyone.
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Submissions sent to the Free Will Astrology Weekly Newsletter
or in response to "homework assignments" may be
published in a variety of formats at Rob Brezsny's discretion,
including but not limited to newsletters, books, the Free Will
Astrology column, and Free Will Astrology website. We reserve
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Requests for anonymity will be honored with submissions;
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Please be sure to note your preference when sending to us. We
are not responsible for unsolicited submission of any creative
material.
Contents of the Free Will Astrology Newsletter are Copyright
2006 Rob Brezsny
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