Rob Brezsny's Astrology Newsletter http://ezezine.com
Rob Brezsny's Free Will Astrology Newsletter
You know about the Russian physiologist Ivan Pavlov, who discovered the
conditioned reflex. In his famous experiment, he trained laboratory dogs
to salivate at the sound of a bell. You may not have heard, though, about
the story's surprise ending. The dogs were programmed for weeks with
such rigor that their behavior became as predictable as machines. Then
one day a flood inundated the lab. In the confusion, the dogs forgot all
their training instantly.
(Source: Raoul Vaneigem, *The Revolution of Everyday Life*)
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April 12, 2006
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http://www.freewillastrology.com
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Here is my upcoming public appearance:
On Sunday, April 16 and in the two weeks after that, local public radio
stations will air an interview with me. It's done by TO THE BEST OF OUR
KNOWLEDGE, a syndicated show that's produced by Wisconsin Public
Radio and distributed by Public Radio International.
Check the website for where it will appear on a station near you:
http://www.wpr.org/book/
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Here's an excerpt from my book
"PRONOIA IS THE ANTIDOTE FOR PARANOIA:
How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings"
available at http://snipurl.com/krjj
or find out more at http://www.freewillastrology.com
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Mirabilia Report
(Mirabilia n. eccentric enchantments, unplanned jubilations, sudden
deliverance from boring evils; from the Latin mirabilia, "marvels.")
* "The average river requires a million years to move a grain of sand 100
miles," says science writer James Trefil.
* Clown fish can alter their gender as their social status rises.
* When she is born, a baby girl has all the ova she will ever have.
* Bluebirds cannot see the color blue.
* Kind people are more likely than mean people to yawn when someone
near them does.
* There are always so many fragments of spider legs floating in the air
that you are constantly inhaling them wherever you go.
* Gregorian chants can cure dyslexia.
* Scientists in Antarctica have photographed whales farting.
* To keep from digesting itself, your stomach generates a fresh layer of
mucus every two weeks.
* Bob Hope donated half a million jokes to the Library of Congress.
* Bees perform a valuable service for the flowers from which they steal.
* All the gold ever mined could be molded into a 60-foot bust of your
mom.
* The moon smells like exploded firecrackers.
* Physicists in Tennessee coaxed electric signals to travel through coaxial
cable at four times the speed of light, even though the equipment they
used was cheap stuff from Radio Shack.
* Revlon makes 177 different shades of lipstick.
* Your tongue is the strongest muscle in your body.
* The most frequently shoplifted book in America is the Bible.
* Copper, iodine, alcohol, iron, sunshine, sodium, and cholesterol are
harmful to you in large amounts, but good for you in small quantities.
* "I always turn to the sports page first," said Earl Warren, former Chief
Justice of the U.S. Supreme Court. "It records people's accomplishments;
the front page, nothing but man's failure."
* "Leafing through *Forbes* or *Fortune* magazine is like reading the
operating manual of a strangely sanctimonious pirate ship," wrote Adam
Gopnik in *The New Yorker.*
TO READ More excerpts from the book, go here:
http://tinyurl.com/lhwx2
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To read other pieces from my book, go here:
http://snipurl.com/l9o3
or
http://freewillastrology.com/beauty/beauty.main145.shtml
To buy the book, use the links to Amazon.com and Barnes and Noble,
which are on my homepage at http://www.freewillastrology.com
Or cut and paste the direct links below:
AMAZON
http://snipurl.com/krjj
BARNES & NOBLE
http://snipurl.com/krjn
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OTHER PRONOIA RESOURCES:
THEATER
*Talking with Angels,* by Shelley Mitchell
http://www.talkingwithangels.com
April 21 through May 28
The Actors Center
180 Capp Street, San Francisco
ALTERNATIVE NEWS
Laughing May Be as Good a Problem-Solver as meditating
http://snipurl.com/p0ni
BOOKS
*The Interventionists: Users' Manual for the Creative Disruption of
Everyday Life* by Nato Thompson and Gregory Sholette
http://snipurl.com/p2kd
WEBSITE
"Critics Blast Bush for Not Praying Hard Enough"
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/46938
POETRY
"Under the Maud Moon" by Galway Kinnell
http://lennon.csufresno.edu/~kds31/kin3.html
(Note: I endorse these because I like them. They're not advertisements,
and I get no kickbacks.)
Please tell me your own personal nominations for PRONOIA RESOURCES.
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FREE WILL ASTROLOGY
Week beginning April 13
Copyright 2006 by Rob Brezsny
http://www.freewillastrology.com
Grammar key: Asterisks equal *italics*
ARIES (March 21-April 19): When I was a kid, I read *Highlights* magazine.
My favorite feature was the section that asked Zen-like questions like
"Can you laugh and cry at the same time?" or "If you were a talking
parrot, what words would you want to learn?" For this week's horoscope,
I've borrowed the spirit of that old source of inspiration. May the following
passage incite your raw wonder and feral innocence. *What's more
beautiful, the smell of an orange or the sight of a green hill in spring?
Under what circumstances might you eat dessert before the main course?
Have you ever seen a statue wink? Is it possible to fall up instead of
down? Describe how you'd catch a dragonfly without hurting it. Tell a
story that's half-true and half-lies. Can you grow brain cells just by
thinking you want to?*
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Lately I have this recurring vision of you
crawling up out of a deep hole. I've even had two dreams with that
theme. Each time, you seem to defy gravity as you climb by clawing at
the sides of the hole and pulling yourself higher and higher until you finally
emerge into daylight. Why am I having these fantasies? Are they a
metaphor for your life right now? I shudder to think that you've been in
an abyss as profound as the one I've been seeing, though I'm ecstatic
about the prospect that you're about to escape.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): The Chinese poet Yuan Mei (1716-1798) was
heavily influenced by Buddhism but was also skeptical toward it. He was
eager to learn from the very tradition he criticized. The book of his
selected poems is entitled *I Don't Bow to Buddhas.* According to my
analysis of the astrological omens, this is an excellent time for you to
follow Yuan Mei's lead. Are you smart and subtle enough to practice his
split-minded approach? I think you are. Try this: Intensify your love and
respect for the ideas you're inspired by, even as you explore your doubts
about them and subject them to rigorous testing.
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AUDIO LOVE LETTERS
In addition to the horoscopes that come to you in this newsletter, I create
more in-depth audio horoscopes for your inspiration. I think of them as
my love letters to you. They're $6 if you access them on the Web, or
$1.99 per minute over the phone.
For Web access, go here:
http://www.relationshipnetwork.com/horo/index.asp?client_id=50700
From the United States, call
1-900-950-7700
or if you prefer to pay by credit card
1-877-873-4888
If you live in Canada, call 1-888-499-4425 to purchase a Block of Time
with your credit card.
"Your expanded astrology thingees help me remember who I really am." -
Gareth N., Toronto
"I never knew it was possible to get my butt kicked and my head patted
at the same time -- until I listened to you, Rob." -Kristi P., Portland, OR
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CANCER (June 21-July 22): "What astrological transit did Galileo have
when he first turned a telescope toward the heavens?" asks Richard
Tarnas, author of *Cosmos and Psyche.* "What transit was coming to
bear on Betty Friedan when she conceived of writing her seminal book
*The Feminine Mystique*?" he continues. "What transit was Sigmund
Freud experiencing when he had the breakdown-cum-breakthrough that
propelled him into his life's work?" There's not enough space to answer
those questions here, Cancerian. I invoke them because I want to suggest
that you're currently basking in cosmic influences that could hatch a
quantum leap with resemblances to those of Galileo, Freidan, and Freud.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): "Dear Rob: I have to say that you unfailingly tune
in to my manic and riotous subconscious screams every single week and
help me transform them into something beautiful, fresh, and worthy of
serious amusement. How do you do it? Can you teach me how to perform
the same service for myself? -Leo Longing for Self-Mastery." Dear Future
Self-Master: You may not realize it yet, but in the past few weeks you
Leos have acquired scads of data that could provide excellent fodder in
your quest for self-mastery. I suggest that you pore over your recent
past and gather up the rich clues.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): On the third anniversary of America's invasion
of Iraq, many protests took place. But they were mild, not wild--more like
Sunday picnics than the fierce mass demonstrations that raged in 2003.
New York's rally drew a mere 1,000, Washington's 300. The march near
where I live was a small affair led by two octogenarian women riding
cream-colored scooters. They snacked on cookies and sang "This Little
Light of Mine." I was shocked and awed by the lack of passion, especially
since now it's even more appallingly obvious how stupid the war is than it
was in the beginning. Don't you dare allow a similar apathy to creep in to
your own fight for justice, Virgo. For the sake of your future, you've got
to redouble your righteous, ingenious anger.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): The coming week should include a lot of back
and forth, give and take, and to and fro. It will be a favorable time to
jump into spirited debates and seek clarification through good-natured
arguing. Dynamics that might feel uncomfortably adversarial at any other
time could be invigorating now. In fact, I encourage you to bring up
touchy subjects that everyone has been avoiding, because it's likely you'll
finally be able to deal with them in candid and constructive ways. Your
power symbol for the week is a child's seesaw.
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): "Dear Dr. Brezsny: Usually I gobble up your
words. They're soul food that nourishes me for days. But last week's
'scope gave me indigestion. Was there a hidden meaning? Can I coax a
deeper interpretation out of you? I promise I'll give you the secret
handshake and tell you the secret password. (It's 'swordfish.') Would it
help if I told you I once drank Red Bull from Maya Angelou's slipper and
that I've gathered gossip about you that thus far I've chosen not to
reveal? Help me out. -Scorpio Who Hates Secrets Unless I'm Keeping
Them." Dear Scorpio: I think the problem is that you've been keeping so
many secrets for so long that you've come to assume that every
situation is crammed with secrets. The truth is, this is a highly unsecretive
time for you. You should proceed as if there's no good reason to hide
anything and as if everyone is willing to reveal themselves freely.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): "The wisdom of this year is the folly of
the next." So said the fortune cookie message I got last night when I was
having dinner at a Chinese restaurant with two Sagittarian friends. As I
read my oracle aloud, one of my companions said, "Ain't that the truth!"
and the other barked, "You got that right!" I take this to mean that it's
my duty to share my fortune cookie oracle with you. What wisdom from
last year is now being revealed as folly? And what are you going to do
about it?
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): In the Bible's Book of Exodus 34:14, God
says His name is "Jealous." Literally. Why isn't this fact more widely
discussed by people who care about religion? In his book *50 Things
You're Not Supposed to Know,* Russ Kick says it's because America's
Pledge of Allegiance would have to be altered to say, "one nation, under
Jealous," and would lead to a redesign of U.S. currency, in which the
motto "In God we Trust" became "In Jealous we trust." Your assignment,
Capricorn, is to withdraw your support for any deity that calls himself or
herself "Jealous"--even as you also renounce any impulse in you that
indulges in jealousy. It's time to drive home to yourself how insane it is to
compare your life to anyone else's. You're perfect the way you are.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Years ago I had a girlfriend who was a
performance artist. At Easter time every year, she did a show in which
she walked barefoot on top of a spiral row of 22 colored, uncooked eggs
without breaking more than a couple of them. Being 5' 3" and 102
pounds helped her accomplish this semi-miraculous feat, but it still
required great skill and concentration. I believe you have a comparable
task ahead of you, Aquarius. Better start practicing.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Here are your words of power for the coming
week, Pisces: *finagle, serendipitous, tinker, adlib, revise, crafty, balance,
rectify.* I urge you to carry out actions that embody the spirit of all those
terms. Once you do, I believe you'll be in perfect alignment with the
cosmic forces coming to bear on you, and will therefore have prevailed
upon those cosmic forces to provide you with the metaphorical equivalent
of a skeleton key, universal password, or Swiss army knife.
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HOMEWORK:
Compare the person you are now with the person you were two years
ago. Make a list of the three most important differences. Testfiy by going
to http://www.freewillastrology.com and clicking on "Email Rob."
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WANT TO GET YOUR CHART DONE?
I'm not doing charts these days. In addition to writing my weekly column
and expanded audio horoscopes, I'm also working on a CD and promoting
my new book.
But I can recommend a colleague whose astro-aesthetics closely match
my own. She's RO LOUGHRAN.
Ro utilizes a blend of well-trained intuition, emotional warmth, and a high
degree of technical proficiency in horoscope interpretation; she is skilled
at exploring the mysteries of your life's purpose and nurturing your
connection with your own inner wisdom.
Ro is based in California, but can do phone consultations and otherwise
work with you regardless of geographic boundaries.
Ro's website is at
http://www.astrology-psychotherapy.com/
She can also be reached at roloughran@comcast.net
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If my emails don't reach your inbox, you should also look in your "Bulk
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I totally respect your privacy. I'll never sell or give away your address to
anyone.
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Submissions sent to the Free Will Astrology Weekly Newsletter
or in response to "homework assignments" may be
published in a variety of formats at Rob Brezsny's discretion,
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Please be sure to note your preference when sending to us. We
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material.
Contents of the Free Will Astrology Newsletter are Copyright
2006 Rob Brezsny
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