Today's Picture to Ponder Photo
Father Sam and Baby Joe Finkelstein in early 1963
Belatedly acknowledging Father's Day in the US, I share this photo
with you for the love that it exudes - a father's love and admiration mirrored in the face of our firstborn. It's also a reminder for me that "love is eternal."
Self-Reflecting Queries
Given this past Sunday was the first Father's Day that our beloved Sam was no longer with us, I somewhat disregarded it. When I opened some of the Father's Day celebration emails from various of the ezines to which I subscribe, I had the thought that I, too, should acknowledge it for you, my subscribers who are so special to me.
Other obligations and some lethargy had me ignore it. At the same time this photo of Sam and Joe kept surfacing in my memory, so I'm acting on instinct and sharing it with you.
For those among you who are fathers, I hope you had a great day. For all of you who chose to acknowledge your fathers, I hope that love and empowerment was there.
If you have not already done so, I invite each one of you to tap into at least one image of love that you have. How can you use that to empower you?
Relationships
I'm finding as I'm writing here that I am becoming quite pensive. Looking at what I wrote above, it would seem that there might have been something amiss between me and my father, who has been gone for 21 years. I went back into my files to see what I wrote and read at his funeral and I found something I wrote a few weeks after, as I was grieving. I share it with you now in the event that it might help one or more of you.
It also relates to something I wrote yesterday when grieving Sam's loss and feeling guilty about some remembered behaviors of mine. I once again went to Haiku and one line sticks with me, "There is no do over" (Six syllables, I now see, not five)
REFLECTIONS (on my me and my father)
I didn’t believe he wouldn’t make it, but
I gave him what he wanted at the end--
My presence and taking care of Laura.
Could he have given me what I wanted?
Turning off the TV?
Coming out of the bedroom (in October)?
Talking?
Sharing feelings?
Asking about me?
Giving me a hug that had squeeze and feeling?
Could he have, if I had asked?
Could he have given me what I needed,
If I knew what it was. . .
And had the courage to ask?
I thought not, so I didn’t!
Thoughts and questions expressed and asked of myself almost 2 weeks too late.
Sheila, 3/8/87
Twenty-one years later, I know that he could have/would have proudly given me all that I never asked. Remember, "There is no do over." If you see yourself in any of the above, in relationship with anyone in your life, I invite you to ask the questions of the person, whoever comes to mind for you.
In conclusion, at the end of what I spoke at my father's (Sam Bakely's) memorial service, I read,
"In a condolence conversation, his and my mother’s beloved doctor described him as a gift:
- a gift to him, the doctor, who never knew such a patient-doctor relationship;
- the gift to my husband of me;
- and the gift to me is that in so many good and strong ways, and weak ones too, I am my father!
For him, for me and for us--I thank you all for your gift of love in being here today."
Lastly, I invite you to find the positive attributes in yourself that emanated from your father's love for you. What is your father's gift to you? You might also query, "What is your gift (not from a store) to your father?"
Thank you for your gift of "listening."
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