Rob Brezsny's Astrology Newsletter March 25, 2015

 Rob Brezsny's Astrology Newsletter
 March 25, 2015
 FreeWillAstrology.com

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My book PRONOIA IS THE ANTIDOTE FOR PARANOIA
is available at Amazon: bit.ly/Pronoia
or Powells: bit.ly/PronoiaPowells
or Barnes & Noble: bit.ly/PronoiaBN

The e-book is available at bit.ly/eePronoia

Below are excerpts.

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Sometime in the next 24 hours, try saying this to someone (but only if you really mean it): "Thanks for making my life better."

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You're a gorgeous mystery with a wild heart and a lofty purpose. But like all of us, you also have a dark side -- a part of your psyche that snarls and bites, that's unconscious and irrational, that is motivated by ill will or twisted passions or instinctual fears.

It's your own personal portion of the world's sickness: a mess of repressed longings, enervating wounds, ignorant delusions, and unripe powers. You'd prefer to ignore it because it's unflattering or uncomfortable or very different from what you imagine yourself to be.

If you acknowledge its existence at all (many of us don't), you might call it the devil, your evil twin, your inner monster, or your personal demon. Psychologist Carl Jung referred to it as the shadow. He regarded it as the lead that the authentic alchemists of the Middle Ages sought to transmute into gold.

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I hope you can obtain the Avatar Elixir stashed in the golden obelisk in the underground fortress beneath the glass mountain. It will allow you to produce the "triple-helix" energy that will give you the power to cross freely back and forth through the gateway between universes.

Then the thunder and lightning will obey your commands. Rivers and comets will become your allies. Every star in the sky will shine directly on you. Animals will prove their love again and again. You will always know the truest words to say.

And if for some reason you're not able to get your hands on that Avatar Elixir, you may be able to achieve similar results by drinking a bottle of beer that's currently stashed in the lower left rear section of the beverage cooler at a convenience store within five miles of your home.

(Magic might be wherever you think it is.)

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Dear Beauty and Truth Lab: After reading your inspiring rants about pronoia, I've come up with my own personal set of pronoiac vows:

1. I vow to Siamese-twin together my bad-ass, no-hype, wide-eyed self with my tricky, strategic, puzzle-loving self.

2. I vow to rage on like a dancing warrior in the urban wilderness, keeping peak experiences and total slaphappy victory at the top of my priority list, while at the same time I play hide-and-seek with the dark delicious secrets that fuel my soul's lust for wicked meaning.

3. I vow to deepen the collaborative efforts of my suck-out-the-marrow-and-spit-out-the-bones craziness and my listen-carefully-to-the-flow-of-the-underground-river caginess. --Double Intense Pronoiac

Dear Double Intense: If we could give you a reward for your elegant audacity, it might be a descendant of Muchalinda, the giant cobra with seven heads that protected the Buddha as he meditated during a hailstorm.

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"Do you change people first or do you change society? I believe this is a false dichotomy. You have to change both simultaneously. If you're changing only yourself and have no concern for changing the society, something goes awry. If you're changing only society but not changing yourself, something goes awry.

"Now, 'simultaneously' may be an overstatement, because I think there are periods when one has to concentrate on one or the other. And there are periods in a society, in a culture, when the emphasis is appropriate only on one or the other. What I'm trying to say is, never lose sight of either the internal world or the external world, the peace within and the peace based on justice outside."

- David Dellinger

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Are you in quest of an Intimate Ally? A Soul Friend? A Wild Confidante?

Check out Matchmaker.com via Free Will Astrology's link: bit.ly/SoulMatch

Look for a Co-Pilot, Co-Conspirator, or Collaborator . . . an Agent to represent you or a Disciple to worship you . . . a Secret Sharer who'll listen better than anyone or an Amazing Accomplice with whom you can practice the Art of Liberation.

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MORE PRONOIA RESOURCES:

Max Dashu runs the fantastic website "Restoring Women to Cultural Memory: The Suppressed Histories Archive." Check it out at suppressedhistories.net. It's a compendium of stories about powerful women whose lives and work have been expunged from patriarchal versions of history.

Now she has created a new video that explores the rich cultural record of medicine women, seers, oracles, healers, trance-dancers, shapeshifters, and dreamers, around the world. Here's the trailer:
tinyurl.com/mb2dess.

"Depaving Cities, Undamming Rivers: Here's How We're Undoing the Damage. All around the United States, people are stepping up to help a damaged planet heal."
tinyurl.com/mxtu56q

"A Brief History of Happiness: How America Lost Track of the Good Life -- and Where to Find It Now. We've been taught that economic growth and buying more stuff will make us happy -- while we trash the planet. The good news is, there's a better kind of happy: It starts with meaningful work, loving relationships, and a thriving natural world."
tinyurl.com/o59a7t2

(Note: I endorse these because I like them. They are not advertisements, and I get no kickbacks.)

Please tell me your own personal nominations for PRONOIA RESOURCES.

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FREE WILL ASTROLOGY
 Week beginning March 26

Copyright 2015 by Rob Brezsny
FreeWillAstrology.com

ARIES (March 21-April 19):

The term "jumped the shark" often refers to a TV show that was once great but gradually grew stale, and then resorted to implausible plot twists in a desperate attempt to revive its creative verve. I'm a little worried that you may do the equivalent of jumping the shark in your own sphere. APRIL FOOL! I lied. I'm not at all worried that you'll jump the shark. It's true that you did go through a stagnant, meandering phase there for a short time. But you responded by getting fierce and fertile rather than stuck and contrived. Am I right? And now you're on the verge of breaking out in a surge of just-the-right-kind-of-craziness.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20):

If you happen to be singing lead vocals in an Ozzy Osbourne cover band, and someone in the audience throws what you think is a toy rubber animal up on stage, DO NOT rambunctiously bite its head off to entertain everyone. It most likely won't be a toy, but rather an actual critter. APRIL FOOL! In fact, it's not likely you'll be fronting an Ozzy Osbourne cover band any time soon. But I hope you will avoid having to learn a lesson similar to the one that Ozzy did during a show back in 1982, when he bit into a real bat -- a small flying mammal with webbed wings -- thinking it was a toy. Don't make a mistake like that. What you think is fake or pretend may turn out to be authentic.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20):

In the spring of 1754, Benjamin Franklin visited friends in Maryland. While out riding horses, they spied a small tornado whirling through a meadow. Although Franklin had written about this weather phenomenon, he had never seen it. With boyish curiosity, he sped toward it. At one point, he caught up to it and lashed it with his whip to see if it would dissipate. This is the kind of adventure I advise you to seek out, Gemini. APRIL FOOL! I half-lied. I don't really believe you should endanger your safety by engaging in stunts like chasing tornadoes. But I do think that now is a favorable time to seek out daring exploits that quench your urge to learn.

CANCER (June 21-July 22):

Novelist L. Frank Baum created the make-believe realm known as Oz. Lewis Carroll conjured up Wonderland and C. S. Lewis invented Narnia. Now you are primed to dream up your own fantasy land and live there full-time, forever protected from the confusion and malaise of the profane world. Have fun in your imaginary utopia, Cancerian! APRIL FOOL! I half-lied. It's true that now would be a good time to give extra attention to cultivating vivid visions of your perfect life. But I wouldn't recommend that you live there full-time.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22):

"The national anthem of Hell must be the old Frank Sinatra song 'I Did It My Way,'" declares Richard Wagner, author of the book Christianity for Dummies. "Selfish pride is Hell's most common trait," he adds. "Hell's inhabitants have a sense of satisfaction that they can at least say 'they've been true to themselves.'" Heed this warning, Leo. Tame your lust for self-expression. APRIL FOOL! I was making a little joke. The truth is not as simplistic as I implied. I actually think it's important for you to be able to declare "I did it my way" and "I've been true to myself." But for best results, do it in ways that aren't selfish, insensitive, or arrogant.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22):

No matter what gender you are, it's an excellent time to get a gig as a stripper. Your instinct for removing your clothes in entertaining ways is at a peak. Even if you have never been trained in the art, I bet you'll have an instinctive knack. APRIL FOOL! I lied. I don't really think you should be a stripper. But I do recommend you experiment with a more metaphorical version of that art. For instance, you could expose hidden agendas that are causing distortions and confusion. You could peel away the layers of deception and propaganda that hide the naked facts and the beautiful truth.

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YOU NEED MAGIC EVERY DAY

Every day, you have to wade through a relentless surge of soul-less facts. The experience tends to shut down your sense of wonder.

Every day, you're over-exposed to narratives that have been sucked free of delight and mystery. That's why you have to make such strenuous efforts to keep your world enchanted.

I like to think I can contribute to the sacred cause of feeding your sense of wonder and enchantment. In fact, that's one of my prime motivations for offering you the free weekly horoscopes you read in this newsletter.

If you ever want more of that good stuff, and think it's worth paying for, please consider trying out my EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES. They're four-to-five-minute meditations on the current state of your destiny.

Register and/or sign in at RealAstrology.com.

They're available on your tablets and smart phones as well as your computers.

You can also listen over the phone by calling
1-877-873-4888

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LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22):

Give yourself obsessively to your most intimate relationships. Don't bother cleaning your house. Call in sick to your job. Ignore all your nagging little errands. Now is a time for one task only: paying maximum attention to those you care about most. Heal any rifts between you. Work harder to give them what they need. Listen to them with more empathy than ever before. APRIL FOOL! I went a bit overboard there. It's true that you're in a phase when big rewards can come from cultivating and enhancing togetherness. But if you want to serve your best relationships, you must also take very good care of yourself.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21):

It's after midnight. You're half-wasted, cruising around town looking for wicked fun. You stumble upon a warehouse laboratory where zombie bankers and military scientists are creating genetically engineered monsters from the DNA of scorpions, Venus flytraps, and Monsanto executives. You try to get everyone in a party mood, but all they want to do is extract your DNA and add it to the monster. APRIL FOOL! Everything I just said was a lie. I doubt you'll encounter any scenario that extreme. But you are at risk for falling into weird situations that could compromise your mental hygiene. To minimize that possibility, make sure that the wicked fun you pursue is healthy, sane wicked fun.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21):

If you were a ladybug beetle, you might be ready and eager to have sex for nine hours straight. If you were a pig, you'd be capable of enjoying 30-minute orgasms. If you were a dolphin, you'd seek out erotic encounters not just with other dolphins of both genders, but also with turtles, seals, and sharks. Since you are merely human, however, your urges will probably be milder and more containable. APRIL FOOL! In truth, Sagittarius, I'm not so sure your urges will be milder and more containable.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19):

"The past is not only another country where they do things differently," says writer Theodore Dalrymple, "but also where one was oneself a different person." With this as your theme, Capricorn, I invite you to spend a lot of time visiting the Old You in the Old World. Immerse yourself in that person and that place. Get lost there. And don't come back until you've relived at least a thousand memories. APRIL FOOL! I was exaggerating. While it is a good time to get reacquainted with the old days and old ways, I don't recommend that you get utterly consumed by the past.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18):

Some Aquarian readers have been complaining. They want me to use more celebrity references in my horoscopes. They demand fewer metaphors drawn from literature, art, and science, and more metaphors rooted in gossipy events reported on by tabloids. "Tell me how Kanye West's recent travails relate to my personal destiny," wrote one Aquarius. So here's a sop to you kvetchers: The current planetary omens say it's in your interest to be more like Taylor Swift and less like Miley Cyrus. Be peppy, shimmery, and breezy, not earthy, salty, and raucous. APRIL FOOL! In truth, I wouldn't write about celebrities' antics if you paid me. Besides, for the time being, Miley Cyrus is a better role model for you than Taylor Swift.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20):

Annie Edson Taylor needed money. She was 63 years old, and didn't have any savings. She came up with a plan: to be the first person to tuck herself inside a barrel and ride over Niagara Falls. (This was back in 1901.) She reasoned that her stunt would make her wealthy as she toured the country speaking about it. I recommend that you consider out-of-the-box ideas like hers, Pisces. It's an excellent time to get extra creative in your approach to raising revenue. APRIL FOOL! I half-lied. It's true that now is a favorable time to be imaginative about your financial life. But don't try outlandish escapades like hers.

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HOMEWORK:

Describe what you'd be like if you were the opposite of yourself. Write Truthrooster@gmail.com.

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Submissions sent to the Free Will Astrology Weekly Newsletter or in response to "homework assignments" may be published in a variety of formats at Rob Brezsny's discretion, including but not limited to newsletters, books, the Free Will Astrology column, and Free Will Astrology website. We reserve the right to edit such submissions for length, style, and content. Requests for anonymity will be honored with submissions; otherwise, reader names, screen names, or initials will be used. Please be sure to note your preference when sending to us. We are not responsible for unsolicited submission of any creative material.

Contents of the Free Will Astrology Newsletter are Copyright 2015 Rob Brezsny

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