Rob Brezsny's Astrology Newsletter
MARCH 9, 2011
FreeWillAstrology.com
The revised and expanded version of my book PRONOIA IS THE
ANTIDOTE FOR PARANOIA is available at Amazon: bit.ly/Pronoia
and also at Powells: bit.ly/PronoiaPowells
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HOW WAS MY GUNSHOT WOUND A BLESSING?
When I was 19 years old, I was shot by a man with a gun. It was
on the Duke University campus in Durham, North Carolina, about
1:30 a.m. on a night in May. At the time I was walking from my
friend's home near the campus to the Greyhound bus station downtown.
Too bad I couldn't afford a taxi. My backpack was heavy, I was
already sleepy, and the trek was a long one. I had to catch a
bus to Philadelphia, which was scheduled to leave at 2:30.
I had just passed Baldwin Auditorium at the north end of the
campus and was behind the Brown Residence Hall when two strange
men stepped out from behind a van. They were both holding shotguns,
and stood less than twenty feet away. One spoke to me. "Do
you know where Baldwin Auditorium is?" he asked. I was almost
frozen with fear, but somehow managed to turn away from them,
preparing to depart in a hurry.
The next thing I knew, I heard a bang, then felt a whoosh of
tiny missiles rushing into my body at the top rear part of my
right thigh.
I knew I was in trouble. Would they shoot again? My questionable
strategy was to fall down on the ground and pretend I was dead.
I hoped they would think they had finished me off and see no need
to pump me full of more rounds.
Unfortunately, I collapsed in such a way that I could not see
them. I lay there in a heap, not knowing their next move. Were
they coming closer so as to empty their shotguns into me, or were
they fleeing the scene? In the meantime, I worked hard to act
like a dead man, trying to betray no motion. It was almost impossible
to keep from shivering or avoid taking big deep breaths.
After a few minutes, I couldn't stand the suspense. Were they
still nearby? I pulled up my head and upper body to look around.
To my relief, they seemed to be gone.
I rose to my feet, feeling the excruciating sting in my thigh
and seeing the blood ripple out through my jeans. To my surprise,
despite the pain, I was able to drag myself along the ground.
In a few minutes, I had managed to make my way to the front door
of the Brown dormitory, where a security guard was on 24-hour
duty.
"I hate to alarm you," I told her, "but I've just
been shot."
She called 911, and soon an ambulance was hauling me away to
the hospital.
With the help of X-rays, my doctor determined that 43 shotgun
pellets had lodged in my flesh. They had narrowly missed a major
artery, and my life wasn't in danger. Still, the doc thought that
if he operated to remove them, he'd risk causing more damage than
if he left them in. That's why, to this day, I'm carrying lots
of extra metal in my body.
The recovery time was lengthy. The suffering, even with painkillers,
was extreme. It was months before I could walk right again.
Besides my physical well-being, the other major casualty of the
mysterious shooting was my long-term dream for the future. For
months before the unexpected detour, I had been planning to relocate
myself to Northern California. Working as a janitor in a community
center and then as a post office employee, I had saved up enough
money to migrate across country and start a new life.
But after the assault, I had to bail out of that vision. I was
in no condition to travel, let alone do much of anything else.
Besides, I was deeply depressed and suffering from Post-Traumatic
Stress Syndrome. I was in no mood to launch the grand adventure
I had been fantasizing about.
Eventually, I recovered from the shock of my wounds, and resumed
my pursuit of destiny. But my life path was forever changed. Being
denied my dream of California at age 19, I was led to numerous
adventures on the East Coast and in Europe.
It would be more than seven years before I got back on track
with my original dream and moved to Northern California. At the
age of 27, I finally arrived in the place that has been my home
ever since.
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Fast forward to the present time.
When the original version of my book Pronoia Is the Antidote
for Paranoia came out, I did a book tour. Among my stops
was Durham, North Carolina, where my beloved body had received
the ghastly delivery of 43 shotgun pellets.
As I drove into town in my rented car, I was struck by a challenging
question: If I really believed in the ideas I describe in my book,
then I should be able to discern some element of pronoia in my
shooting. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that
if I wanted to practice what I preached, it was my duty to identify
the blessings that had come my way because of the terrible event.
Having a couple of hours free before my appearance at Durham's
Regulator Bookshop, I took myself to the scene of the crime. I
drove to Duke University and sat down in the grass behind Brown
dormitory, exactly where I had been attacked years ago. "What
were the pronoaic blessings that life brought me through the shooting?"
I asked the wind and the trees and the sun.
What they told me would take an entire book to explain in full,
so I will just briefly summarize here.
Because of the shooting and its consequences, including the detours
in my life plans, all these wonderful things happened for me:
1. I met one of my main mentors and friends, who eventually became
the publisher of my books.
2. I met two incredible women with whom I fell in love. They
influenced me in a thousand inspirational ways that still benefit
me to this day.
3. I unexpectedly and accidentally started a music career, which
has turned out to be one of the great joys of my life.
4. I spent many years in North Carolina, where I got a deep immersion
in African-American culture -- a transformative experience that
has been essential to my work as a musician, performer, and writer.
5. I traveled extensively in Europe.
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This pivotal series of events in my life helps explain my idiosyncratic
understanding of pronoia: that life is an endless source of blessings
working in unpredictable ways.
This understanding can't be summed up in a few words -- it took
me 400 pages in my book -- but you can hear a pithy condensation
of the message in my spoken-word piece, "Shadow Blessings":
bit.ly/bk5GXA
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P.S. The pain I experienced in this particular case ultimately
delivered blessings that I could understand and appreciate. But
that's not true about all the pain I've experienced. A lot of
my suffering remains mysterious to me. Why, Lord, why?
If you're interested, the following pieces from my book also
address the issues in "How Was My Gunshot Wound a Blessing":
bit.ly/HowPronoia
bit.ly/TooSoonToTell
bit.ly/DarfurPronoia
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MORE PRONOIA RESOURCES:
LOVE IS AT THE ROOT OF THE LONGING FOR JUSTICE
Activism for beginners. How three friends rescued hundreds of
Uganda's child soldiers.
tinyurl.com/2d78ore
FLOODS OF INGENUITY JUST KEEP COMING
In the future, your car may be made of mushrooms
tinyurl.com/45qpu95
BATHE YOURSELF IN INNOCENT SOUND
Pretty music you've never heard
"We'll dazzle them all -- hold on"
tinyurl.com/4bejdmt
(Note: I endorse these because I like them. They are not advertisements,
and I get no kickbacks.)
Please tell me your own personal nominations for PRONOIA RESOURCES.
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FREE WILL ASTROLOGY
Week beginning March 10
Copyright 2011 by Rob Brezsny
FreeWillAstrology.com
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20):
"Good things may come to those who wait -- but they're mostly
just the things left behind by those who hustle and bustle."
That message was in the fortune cookie I got with my Chinese take-out
food tonight. It happens to be a perfect fit for your current
astrological omens, so I'm handing it over to you. In the coming
week, I don't recommend that you sit around patiently and watch
how the trends ripen. I don't think you should bide your time
or be cautious in making a commitment. Be proactive, Pisces --
maybe even gung ho. Carpe the freaking diem.
ARIES (March 21-April 19):
"Dear Mr. Astrologer: Like the god Prometheus, I stole fire
from the gods and gave it to people who sometimes make awful use
of it. As punishment, the gods chained me to a rock on the beach,
and arranged for an eagle to come daily to eat my liver. Luckily,
the liver grows back every night. Unluckily, the eagle always
returns to devour it again. I'm used to it by now; it doesn't
hurt as much as it once did. But I'm still eager to get out of
my predicament. Any suggestions? Aries in Limbo." Dear Aries:
Your rescue is scheduled for no later than your birthday, possibly
before. In the meantime, the best thing you can do to prepare
for your release is to feel gratitude for all you've learned during
your ordeal.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20):
Your meditation for this week comes from writer H. P. Lovecraft.
"What a man does for pay is of little significance. What
he is, as a sensitive instrument responsive to the world's beauty,
is everything!" While that's always good counsel, I think
it's especially apt for you right now. You're in a phase of your
astrological cycle when you'd be smart to evaluate your own worth
based less on what job you do and more on who you are. Practice
thinking this healing idea: The soulfulness you embody and express
from moment to moment is the single greatest measure of your success
as a human being.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20):
One of my favorite peculiarities about the English language is
the idiosyncratic words it uses to characterize groups of specific
animals. For example, the correct term for many owls gathered
together is not "flock" but "parliament":
a "parliament of owls." Likewise, we say a "rabble
of butterflies," a "prickle of hedgehogs," a "shrewdness
of apes," and a "murder of crows." If I had to
come up with a comparable term for the human members of your tribe,
it might be something like a "zeal of Geminis" or a
"charm of Geminis" or a "romp of Geminis"
or an "exaltation of Geminis." All those words capture
part of the glory that will be you, especially for the next few
weeks.
CANCER (June 21-July 22):
The roots of the lotus are anchored in muck at the pond's bottom.
Its leaves float on the water and its dramatic flower rises above
on a thick stem. It's an evocative plant that is featured in many
ancient myths. For Buddhists, it was an emblem of enlightenment:
beauty ascending from the mud. In India, a thousand-petaled golden
lotus symbolized the miracle of creation. To the Egyptians, it
represented rebirth. Even modern science has contributed to building
the mystique of the lotus, having determined that its seeds can
remain viable for many centuries. It's not a fragile marvel! In
the 16th-century Chinese folk tale "Monkey," a teacher
instructed the hero on how to achieve a long life. "Even
amidst fierce flames," he said, "the Golden Lotus can
be planted." For the foreseeable future, Cancerian, the lotus
is your power object.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22):
"Picture a very complicated combination lock, one that requires
dialing up eight different numbers to open," writes Arianna
Huffington. "You have seven of the numbers, but the lock
still won't open until you hit upon that final number. One-eighth
may not seem as 'big' as seven-eighths, but without the final
click of the combination, the tumblers won't fall into place."
Sound familiar, Leo? In my astrological opinion, you have dialed
up the first seven numbers but you don't know what the eighth
is yet; until you discover it, the lock will stay closed. Where
should you look for the missing info? It's now within your reach,
and it wasn't before.
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YOU NEED MAGIC EVERY DAY
Every day, you have to wade through a relentless surge of soul-less
facts. The experience tends to shut down your sense of wonder.
Every day, you're over-exposed to narratives that have been sucked
free of delight and mystery. That's why you have to make such
strenuous efforts to keep your world enchanted.
I like to think I can contribute to the sacred cause of feeding
your sense of wonder and enchantment. In fact, that's one of my
prime motivations for offering you the free weekly horoscopes
you read in this newsletter.
If you ever want more of that good stuff, and think it's worth
paying for, please consider trying out my EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES.
They're four-to-five-minute meditations on the current state of
your destiny.
Go here to access them: RealAstrology.com
You can also listen over the phone by calling 1-877-873-4888
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VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22):
In the coming week, it's very important that you stay out of
other people's hells -- even if they invite you in with a big
welcome, and even if you're tempted to join them there in their
infernos as a misguided way of proving your love. Be compassionate,
Virgo, but don't be manipulated or foolish. The best thing you
can do to help others is to cultivate your own mental health with
ingenuity, trusting in its radiant power to heal by example.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22):
"Two paradoxes are better than one," said physicist
Edward Teller. "They may even suggest a solution." I
hope this gives you a glimmer of appreciation for the sparkling
contradictions you're surrounded by, Libra. It would be understandable
if up until today you felt they were crazy-making stressors that
served no good purpose. But now maybe you will be motivated to
stand on your head, cross your eyes, and try to see how the tangy
riddles might actually be used to untangle each other.
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21):
Despite the wealth and renown he has accumulated during his influential
career, musician Brian Eno is a big fan of raw simplicity. Speaking
about R&B, soul music, and psychedelia, he said, "These
earlier eras of pop music were characterized not by the search
for perfection but by bizarre enthusiasms, small budgets, erratic
technique, crummy equipment, and wild abandon." Would you
consider playing with that approach in the coming weeks, Scorpio?
It's not necessarily something you should do all the time, but
right now I suspect it's a formula for the most interesting kind
of success.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21):
Research Digest Blog asked eminent psychologists to write about
the theme "one nagging thing you still don't understand about
yourself." One expert wondered why he always overestimates
how much work he can get done. Another pondered the fact that
he falls prey to his own irrational biases even though he's well
aware he has them. A third said he can't fathom why it's so easy
for him to learn some things and so hard to learn others. What
would your answer be, Sagittarius? This is an excellent time,
astrologically speaking, to see if you can get to the bottom of
a truth about yourself that has always eluded you. (To read the
story, go here: tinyurl.com/DontKnowYet.)
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19):
I suspect that you will either be spectacularly right or breathtakingly
wrong in the coming days. Which way it goes will all depend on
whether you're observing and responding to the actual events unfolding
in front of you or else are more focused on the images dancing
around in your imagination. Of course it's always a good idea
to get your biases and projections out of the way so you can see
life as it really is, but it's especially crucial now. So much
is contingent upon your ability to be acutely perceptive and crisply
objective.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18):
In the old fairy tale, the character known as Rumpelstiltskin
had the power to spin straw into gold. That skill has a metaphorical
resemblance to the wizardry you could pull off in the coming weeks:
transforming seemingly ordinary or worthless stuff into a valuable
asset. Although your work might seem a bit miraculous and make
some people wonder if you've used hocus-pocus, the fact is that
it may at times feel tedious or extremely demanding to you. Be
gutsy in your mastery of the intricate details, Aquarius. I'll
be thinking of you as the Gritty Magician.
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HOMEWORK:
What do you want to be when you grow up? Testify at FreewillAstrology.com.
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WANT TO GET YOUR CHART DONE?
I'm not doing personal charts, but I highly recommend my astrological
colleague, RO LOUGHRAN. Her approach closely matches my own. In
our many discussions about astrology over the years, we've had
a major influence on each other's work.
Ro utilizes a blend of well-trained
intuition, emotional warmth, and
a high
degree of technical proficiency
in horoscope interpretation; she
is skilled
at exploring the mysteries of your
life's purpose and nurturing your
connection with your own inner
wisdom.
Ro is based in California, but
can do phone consultations and
otherwise
work with you regardless of geographic
boundaries.
Ro's website is at YourSoulJourney.com
She can also be reached at roloughran@comcast.net
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Contents of the Free Will Astrology Newsletter are Copyright
2011 Rob Brezsny
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