Rob Brezsny's Astrology Newsletter
NOVEMBER 28, 2007
FreeWillAstrology.com
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"The Way of Abundance is all too often misconstrued as a shallow
sense of 'getting what one wants,' 'eliminating the negative,'
or 'being free from pain.' Even the often-touted 'manifesting
your dreams,' offers a psychological disposition that generally
remains fixated around manifestation as 'the project of me.'
"But the 'project of me' can never be enough, for it does not
meet 'the other,' and real living involves meeting. The touch
and contact with all of life, the full freedom of non-separation,
the completeness of full relationship, and the radiance of compassionate
ecstasy is what we are inherently hungry for."
- Rick Jarow, Alchemy of Abundance
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My book
"PRONOIA IS THE ANTIDOTE FOR PARANOIA:
How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings"
is available for sale at
tinyurl.com/qaj62
To read news and features from the book, go here:
tinyurl.com/lhwx2
Here's an excerpt:
BRAINSCRAMBLING
Relax. Put yourself in a comfortable position. Breathe deeply.
Let the tension stream out of your head and neck and shoulders.
Imagine that your worries are flowing out of you into the good
earth below. Say "ahhhhh" in your softest tone.
Dissolve the constricted energy in your chest and belly and pelvis,
and let it trickle away. Allow the stress in your legs and feet
to evaporate. With each breath, send out a wave of love to your
entire body. Relax even more deeply. Become aware that all of
the disquiet within you is departing. Your knots are unraveling.
Your congestion is dissipating.
Now close your eyes and imagine that it's a bright and warm summer
day at the beach. You're sitting in a cozy chair. The sky is a
deep, infinite blue. A balmy breeze caresses your cheeks. Your
body feels strong and serene. You're in harmony with the flow
of life. Look around you. See the sparkling white sand. Feel the
gentle waves swirl around your ankles.
As you bask in this beauty and calm, imagine that you're reading
the Wall Street Journal and listening to the soothingly riotous
music of a klezmer polka band playing free-form jazz with a hip-hop
beat. Nearby is a shopping mall you have recently bought and converted
into a country club for poor people. A satellite phone and a wireless
laptop are by your side because you must always be available to
conduct late-breaking business deals, buy or sell stocks, or give
spiritual advice.
Amazing but true: You are both a billionaire and a wise counselor.
This blend of wealth and sagacity has led you to become a philanthropic
healer. Through cash donations and gifts of insight, you have
helped thousands of people transform themselves into gorgeous
geniuses skilled at expressing their souls' codes.
Relax even more deeply. Tune in to the understanding that you
are a furiously curious soul full of orgiastic compassion for
everything alive. You are an ongoing experiment in lyrical logic,
a slow explosion of uncanny delight, a sacred agent devoted to
breaking the taboo against feeling crafty joy.
Now say this: I have only barely imagined the blessings that
await me. As interesting and as full as my life is, I'm ready
for it to become even more so.
With this declaration, you have given the future permission to
transform you into a more awakened version of yourself than you
ever knew was possible.
Continue your cooperation with the glorious fate that's coming
your way. Speak the following affirmations, which have been scientifically
formulated to free you of all rigid beliefs that might cause stupidity:
I kick my own ass and wash my own brain.
I push my own buttons and trick my own pain.
I burn my own flags and roast my own heroes.
I mock my own fears and cheer my own zeroes.
Nothing can stop me from teasing my shadow.
I'm full of empty and backwards bravado.
My wounds are tattoos that reveal my true beauty.
I turn tragic to magic and make bliss my duty.
I honor my faults till they become virtues.
I play jokes on my nightmares
till I'm sure they won't hurt you.
I sing anarchist lullabies to lesbian trees
and love songs with punch lines
to anonymous seas.
I won't accept gifts that infringe on my freedom
I shun sacred places that stir up my boredom.
I change my name daily, pretend to be nobody.
I fight for the truth if it's majestically rowdy.
I brag about what I can't do and don't know.
I take off my clothes to those I oppose.
I'm so far beyond lazy, I work like a god.
I'm totally crazy; in fact that's my job.
It's all true. You're completely wacko. Throbbingly, succulently,
shimmeringly insane. And that's good news.
This understanding frees you up to sing in the acid rain and
cultivate global warming in your pants. You are in prime condition
to study the difference between stupid insecurity and smart insecurity
until you get it right. You realize beyond a doubt that everyone
who believes in the devil is the devil. You feel a longing to
stick out your tongue and cross your eyes and put on your most
beautifully ugly face as you sneak up on yourself from behind
and whisper "boo!" And you see the healthy wisdom of now and then
inserting into your conversations the following quote, uttered
by the Baron in the film The Adventures of Baron Munchausen: "Your
reality, sir, is lies and balderdash, and I'm happy to say I have
no grasp of it whatsoever."
And congratulations. Every cell in your perfect animal body is
beginning to purr with luminous gratitude for the enormity of
the riches you endlessly receive. You are becoming aware that
each of your heart's beats originates as a gift of love directly
from the Goddess herself. Any residues of hatred that had been
tainting your libido are leaving you for good. You are becoming
telepathically linked to the world's entire host of secret teachers,
pacifist warriors, philosopher clowns, and bodhisattvas disguised
as convenience store clerks.
In other words, you're on the verge of détente with your
evil twin. And you're ready to submit to a multiple-choice test,
which goes like this:
How does it make you feel when I urge you to confess profound
secrets to people who are not particularly interested? Does it
make you want to:
a. cultivate a healthy erotic desire for a person you'd normally
never be attracted to in a million years;
b. stop helping your friends glamorize their pain;
c. imitate a hurricane in the act of extinguishing a forest fire;
d. visualize Buddha or Mother Teresa at the moment of orgasm;
e. steal something that's already yours.
The right answer, of course, is any answer you thought was correct.
Congratulations. You're even smarter than you knew.
To seal your victory, repeat the following affirmation: "Stressed"
is "desserts" spelled backward.
Now remain here for a while in this state of supernatural relaxation.
As you begin to return to normal waking consciousness, don't return
to normal waking consciousness. Instead, practice feeling the
confidence that you can invoke the scent of wild honey in a sunlit
meadow any time you feel an urge to.
In honor of your enhanced power to be yourself, I hereby reward
you with a host of fresh titles. From now on you will be known
as the Senior Vice President of Strawberry Fields and Hummingbirds,
and the Deputy Director of Green Lights and Purple Hearts. Consider
yourself, as well, to be the new Puzzle-Master Supreme, the Chief
Custodian of Secret Weapons, and Field Commander of Free Lunches
and Poetic Licenses.
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To read news and features from my book, go here: tinyurl.com/lhwx2
You can buy the book here:
AMAZON
tinyurl.com/qaj62
POWELLS
tinyurl.com/3dsx6q
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OTHER PRONOIA RESOURCES:
DOING WORK YOU LOVE
The Ultimate Anti-Career Guide: The Inner Path to Finding
Your Work in the World
audio CD by Rick Jarow
tinyurl.com/29y5pr
Creating the Work You Love: Courage, Commitment, and Career
book by Rick Jarow
tinyurl.com/yvowa3
COMMITTING PRONOIA BY SPENDING LOTS OF MONEY
How should we spend the next trillion dollars?
tinyurl.com/2rfrak
ANOTHER GOOD ALTERNATIVE FOR GENERATING ENERGY
Nanosolar
tinyurl.com/2przzb
(Note: I endorse these because I like them. These are not advertisements,
and I get no kickbacks.)
Please tell me your own personal nominations for PRONOIA RESOURCES.
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FREE WILL ASTROLOGY
Week beginning November 29
Copyright 2007 by Rob Brezsny
FreeWillAstrology.com
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21):
"I need a strategy for bringing constructive change into
my life on an ongoing basis," a Sagittarian reader named
Ursula wrote to me. "I want to figure out how to arrange
for a never-ending series of gentle wake-up calls. When that happens,
I will have mastered the sinewy magic of being permanently unstuck.
I will have made it a habit to be highly alert and wildly responsive
in the most relaxed ways possible. The world will look completely
different to me then; reality itself will have mutated. I won't
cling to little scraps of hope that make me feel secure, but will
instead be on the prowl for fresh challenges that constantly expand
my love for life." Ursula's longing is a brilliant articulation
of what I think all of you Sagittarians should quest for in the
coming weeks.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19):
I think it's a good idea for you to give up mediocre pleasures
that drain your energy and diminish your intelligence. I also
wish you would sacrifice irrelevant fantasies and deluded hopes
that lead you away from your riveting dreams. On the other hand,
I will rejoice if you commit yourself twice as intensely to the
robust pleasures that refine your energy and boost your intelligence.
And I will love it if you take three practical actions to supercharge
one of your riveting dreams.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18):
What if I told you there will be 13 militantly helpful angels
in gossamer armor standing guard around your bed every night,
fighting off nightmares and ensuring that your dreams are blessed
with floods of sublimely practical revelations? Would you regard
what I said as a poetic metaphor, as the hyperbolic fantasy of
a kooky astrology writer? Or is there a chance you'd take me literally?
That you'd consider my vision to be the prophetic truth about
an actual event? If it's the latter, then I urge you to be aggressive
about asking the angels for the very best mojo they can muster.
This is one time when you have license to be greedy about tapping
into the primal power of supernatural goodness.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20):
This would be a good week for you to tell people's fortunes at
parties and help the police solve crimes with your clairvoyant
abilities and read the minds of those you love in order to communicate
with them better. What? You say you don't have any psychic powers?
That's a dirty lie! You most certainly do. It may be true that
your culture has brainwashed you into denying and suppressing
them. But I assure you that they are lying there half-dormant,
just waiting for you to believe in them and use them for everyone's
benefit. And this is an ideal time, astrologically speaking, for
you to do just that.
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EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES
In addition to the horoscopes that come to you in this newsletter,
I create audio horoscopes for your inspiration. They discuss themes
and cover material that I don't have room to deal with in the
written horoscopes.
They're $6 if you access them on the Web, or $1.99 per minute
over the phone.
Try them at RealAstrology.com.
By phone at 1-877-873-4888 or 1-900-950-7700.
"I always feel like I know myself better after listening
to your audio 'scopes."
- June R., Austin, TX
"Your audio horoscopes calm me down when I'm too manic and
pep me up when I'm down."
- Arthur T., Cleveland, OH
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ARIES (March 21-April 19):
How much more can you hold? How much further are you willing
to reach? How much bigger of a big picture can you open your mind
to see? We will soon discover the answers to those questions,
as well as several others that have to do with the themes of unbinding,
emancipation, and the loss of inhibition. Judging from my reading
of the astrological omens, I'd say the prospects are high for
you to achieve a record-breaking state of relaxed and curious
expansiveness.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20):
Explore the off-limits area of your imagination, Taurus. I'm
talking about that barely conscious part of your psyche where
taboo fantasies and unruly notions have been steadily growing
in the dark, accumulating the dark luminosity that all secret
things do. If you consort with them now, you'll be just in time
to prevent them from becoming monstrous and reeling out of control.
Even better, you'll have a good chance of shaping them into resources
that will serve you well.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20):
I recommend that you read one of those ground-level books on
intimacy skills, like Relationships for Dummies or The
Complete Idiot's Guide to Romance. It's not that you are
any dumber about these matters than the rest of us; it's just
that this is a favorable time for you to work harder than usual
on boosting your Love IQ. Remedial efforts taken now will generate
assistance and inspiration from unexpected sources. For best results,
I suggest you consider keeping a journal about the lessons you'll
be asked to master. Entitle it something like "How I'm Becoming
as Smart about Love as I Am about Everything Else in My Life."
CANCER (June 21-July 22):
During the heyday of samurai culture, the Japanese word tsuji-giri
meant "to try out a new sword on a passer-by." After
analyzing your astrological omens, Cancerian, I'm appealing to
you not to commit the metaphorical equivalent of that in the coming
week. Here's what I mean: You've got good reasons to use the metaphorical
equivalent of a new sword, and you will wreak some constructive
havoc if you direct your warrior attitude at the right targets.
But if, on the other hand, you carelessly slice and dice passers-by
and other innocents who don't deserve it, you'll waste that valuable
resource and won't correct the problems that have piqued your
sense of injustice.
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AUDIO HOROSCOPES
In addition to the horoscopes that you're reading here, I create
audio horoscopes for your amusement and inspiration. Find out
more at RealAstrology.com.
The audio horoscopes are also available by phone at 1-877-873-4888
or 1-900-950-7700.
"Your audio horoscopes work better than my therapist and
cost me five percent of what he charges."
- Chris M., San Francisco, CO
"You've helped me remember important things about myself
that I'd forgotten."
- Ruth V., Toronto
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LEO (July 23-Aug. 22):
"When love is not madness, it is not love," said Spanish
dramatist Pedro Calderon de la Barca. But according to my analysis
of the astrological omens, you will dramatically disprove that
notion in the coming weeks, Leo. In fact, I'm betting that love
will make you stark, raving sane. It will calm you down, heal
a wound or two, improve your eyesight, help you understand yourself
better, improve your digestion, and stimulate you to become you
more tolerant and forgiving towards the entire world.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22):
First let me make it clear that I'm not predicting you will face
difficult events in the coming days. Not at all. Second, I'm not
saying you will have to endure more pain than usual. Third, I
believe your suffering will be about average -- similar to what
normal people bear in normal times. Having said all that, though,
I encourage you to be aggressively exploratory toward the pain
you feel. Have long talks with your murky fears. Gaze bravely
into the parts of your life that make you sad. Why? Because it's
a favorable time to search for treasure that's buried in the shadows
-- to enhance your psychological health by dealing with what's
not so healthy. Recall Carl Jung's wise words: "The foundation
of all mental illness is an unwillingness to experience legitimate
suffering."
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22):
Some years ago, in an advertisement designed to attract Spanish-speaking
flyers, U.S.-based Braniff Airlines bragged about its leather
seats with the phrase "viajar en cuero." But that phrase
actually means "to travel stark naked," not "to
travel on leather." The marketing department goofed. One
of your main goals in the coming week, Libra, should be to prevent
comparable outbreaks of the "lost in translation" syndrome.
In fact, I urge you to act as an interpreter in situations where
different worlds overlap. Be sure, for example, that extroverts
and introverts understand each other. Facilitate the communication
between cynics and optimists, morning people and night owls, caffeine
addicts and pot heads, dreamers and realists. Be especially alert
for misunderstandings that may arise during interactions between
the right and left sides of your own brain.
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21):
Are you ready for your next big initiation? Probably not, but
that's OK. Your upgrade to the next level should go fine, even
if you wobble and sputter for a while before and after. Just to
let you know, there may be no single striking event to dramatize
it for you. It could arrive almost secretly in a roller coaster
dream, or announce itself with a warm rush of unfamiliar emotion
while you're in the middle of lunch. But however it insinuates
its way into your awareness, Scorpio, it will open you to the
possibility of seeing things that have been invisible to you before
now.
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HOMEWORK:
Imagine it's 60 years from now and you're telling God the worst
thing and best thing you ever did. What would they be? Testify
by going to FreeWillAstrology.com
and clicking on "Email Rob."
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WANT TO GET YOUR CHART DONE?
I'm not doing personal charts, but I highly recommend my astrological
colleague, RO LOUGHRAN. Her approach closely matches my own. In
our many discussions about astrology over the years, we've had
a major influence on each other's work.
Ro utilizes a blend of well-trained intuition, emotional warmth,
and a high degree of technical proficiency in horoscope interpretation;
she is skilled at exploring the mysteries of your life's purpose
and nurturing your connection with your own inner wisdom.
Ro is based in California, but can do phone consultations and
otherwise work with you regardless of geographic boundaries.
Ro's website is at YourSoulJourney.com
She can also be reached at roloughran@comcast.net
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Submissions sent to the Free Will Astrology Weekly Newsletter
or in response to "homework assignments" may be published
in a variety of formats at Rob Brezsny's discretion, including
but not limited to newsletters, books, the Free Will Astrology
column, and Free Will Astrology website. We reserve the right
to edit such submissions for length, style, and content. Requests
for anonymity will be honored with submissions; otherwise, reader
names, screen names, or initials will be used. Please be sure
to note your preference when sending to us. We are not responsible
for unsolicited submission of any creative material.
Contents of the Free Will Astrology Newsletter are Copyright
2007 Rob Brezsny
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